"Crouching Tiger; Hidden Hydrant"

First we had Invictus, a story about a self-help manual based around one of the greatest statesman ever to draw breath; now, as the world seeks more true sports stories to gain inspiration and titillation from, we hear rumours that directors are lining up for the chance to make "Crouching Tiger; Hidden Hydrant".

When a star slips, particularly one who is as private yet high-profile as Woods, it never takes long for the jokes to start. The Telegraph, a mainstream British broadsheet regarded as more serious than frivolous, even printed a list of what they thought were the best Woods? jokes thus far:

Tiger Woods is so rich that he owns lots of expensive cars. Now he has a hole in one.

What's the difference between a car and a golf ball? Tiger can drive a ball 400 yards.

Tiger Woods wasn't seriously injured in the crash, but he's still below par.

What were Tiger Woods and his wife doing out at 2.30 in the morning?

They went clubbing

Tiger Woods crashed into a fire hydrant and a tree. He couldn't decide between a wood and an iron.

Then the readers kicked in with their favourites:

At the station, the cop asks: 'What you here for?' Tiger says:

'tree'.

What club did Elin use to 'rescue' her husband? A bitching wedge.

In other news, EA Sports has announced the recall of Tiger Woods 10 so a new bonus level can be added called "Help Tiger down the driveway". A special edition will be sold with a Wii steering wheel.

Tiger is now in trouble with his sponsor Gillette because he said that "this was the closest shave I have had yet".

Roger Federer must be feeling left out now, what is he going to do next? Thiery Henry and Tiger have been in the news recently.

OK, OK, OK... I know. It's all horribly nasty and a bit of a cheap laugh but thus is the way of things when it comes to cutting down tall poppies with a "bitching wedge" (my favourite joke thus far).

Woods has not given a proper, in-depth newspaper interview since 1997, only interacting with the media via tournament news conferences. For a man who is the biggest name in world sports - I defy you to name a bigger icon playing competitive sport - he is an incredibly reclusive individual of whom little is known but the way he plays his sport and the money he makes from it.

He has wielded incredible control over his public image simply because he is Tiger Woods but that power has been challenged this week, with the Florida police still pretty keen to chat to Woods despite him sending them away from his house three times.

There is a presence about Woods that strikes fear into some sectors of the media, notably television commentators who seem reluctant to criticise him should he do something daft or petulant. At the Australian Masters, Woods chucked his club to the ground and it bounced into the crowd - a no-no at amateur level and a fining offence on the professional circuit.

With Woods having charged a $3-million appearance fee, it was little surprise that the Australian commentators didn't say a bleeding word. They might even have started looking for excuses for him:

"The greenkeeper will want to have a look at that bit of rough there, Bruce. It looks dangerously bouncy to me. A seven iron shouldn't bounce that high or far."

"You're right, Bruce jr. These modern clubs travel a lot further than they did in my day. I don't know what that spectator's complaining about. They can sew testicles back on these days, can't they?"

"Of course they can. Ricky Ponting and his team had the operation straight after the Ashes."

Now Woods has had to withdraw from the Chevron World Challenge, his charity tournament that has more than a passing resemblance to the Nedbank Golf Challenge.

The NGC has suffered somewhat because many of the world's top golfers accepted offers to play in Wood's tournament rather than the NGC but now the World Challenge is without its big name and will suffer because of that.

It was 11 years ago that Woods played at the Gary Player Country Club, a tournament where the participants, while not actively encouraged to drive into fire hydrants, are still free to enjoy themselves as much as they see fit.

When the players get together for the Pro-Am at Sun City on Wednesday, what odds that some of them will be telling Woods jokes too?