What our coaches want for Xmas

All Shakes Mashaba probably has high on his wish list is for a player to put balls into the net consistently.

All Shakes Mashaba probably has high on his wish list is for a player to put balls into the net consistently.

Published Dec 21, 2014

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Choosing Christmas presents for loved ones – and those we have to tolerate – has always been a hack. It starts with the traffic getting into a shopping mall, escalates with the parking bay wars, and then culminates in a mad dash and then a long wait at the queues.

There is no love lost, and this week’s report of two women engaging in a rolling maul over a shopping trolley should surprise no one at all.

In fact, it’s a pity someone wasn’t there with a video camera to record the spat, as we could have got the lads from Boots & All to analyse which woman was coming in from the wrong side, and what not.

The holidays may be here, but the silly season is also truly upon us. But spare a thought for those whose Christmas stocking needs a lot more than After Eight mints or soap on a rope.

Our three national coaches, bless their latest unwanted socks under the tree, will have much to muse over their festive lunches this season.

Next year brings with it a fresh start, but also the same old challenges. So, if the boys in the Domingo, Mashaba and Meyer household still believe in the fat guy in a red suit, a peer into their requests for an urgent courier from the North Pole would be most interesting.

Starting with Russell Domingo, he would love nothing more than an extra-large set of “marbles” to hand out to his friends when they go on their road-trip to Australia. The marbles won’t be necessary over this festive season, because their island friends from the Worst of the Indies have rolled over with all of the determination of a boiled potato under a masher.

Oh, and while he’s making requests, master Domingo would also love it if his all-round Protea fire cajoler was back to his best come the New Year.

Without their brother from another mother, Domingo’s friends have looked vulnerable, especially when wearing their green pyjamas.

While Domingo may be seeking big balls, all Shakes Mashaba wants for Christmas is someone who can put balls into the net consistently.

A massive African safari is just weeks away, and, while Shakes’s gang have will and determination, the one thing missing ahead of a major tournament challenge is someone cool under pressure who can stand up to the bully boys from afar.

Despite some serious challenges in the classroom this year, Bra Shakes has seen his street-cred rise sharply and he has even found a popular new bestie in a little guy called “Deeeeeean”.

Now, more than ever, the people are hopeful that Shakes’s gang of 2015 can #bringbacktheglorydays.

Undoubtedly, the longest Christmas request list of all will come from the Meyer household. Most of Heyneke’s favourite toys have been broken or lost this past year. Some have even been borrowed by pals from overseas.

He is in need of urgent reinforcements. He may well need a brand-new Captain America and his set of Transformers look worryingly out of touch. Even his favoured Ninja Turtles upfront could do with a long break, but his cupboard is bare.

What he would really like to do is keep all his toys safely hidden away in his room, to be brought out around September. But his parents – and his stubborn uncles around the country, for that matter – are adamant that boys’ toys are meant to be played with, even when the wheels are threatening to fall off from over-use.

This year has been a tumultuous year for all three, and they have had to do a lot of growing up. But all will be forgiven if they can bounce back and repay waning faith with a fruitful 2015.

And they have a decent chance, too.

So long as Santa delivers on their urgent requests…

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