I refer to your editorial “Listen to the first lady” (February 7). That South Africans spend R100 billion a year on child grants is good and proper. Children do not ask to be born, and we have to accept full responsibility for them.

Hopefully there are not many among of us who would steal from children. Nonetheless, regular probes to ensure that honest use is made of the money are essential.

Unfortunately there are thousands of men who benefit unfairly by these grants and who are seldom subjected to scrutiny. They are the men who boast about the many casual sex partners they have, who are reckless about how many children they abandon to poverty and illiteracy and who lack the sense of shame that consumes decent men when they cannot care for their offspring. They are often absentee fathers.

These men are condemned morally and sometimes likened to animals. Man’s apparent obsession with sex is, however, probably a by-product of one of his finest qualities, namely his ability to infuse into everything a spiritual or emotional content. Animals, which mate seasonally, are believed not to have this quality.

On the other hand, man lacks the instincts which cause animals to curb procreation in adverse circumstances. This creates a dilemma which can be resolved only by self control.

That too many men do not exercise this self-control is partly the reason why the planet is overpopulated, that we fail to feed, house, educate and provide opportunities for all and that children are neglected.

What, then, should be done about these men, these absentee fathers? Very simply, they should be forced to pay maintenance. If decent people pick up part of the tab on their behalf through taxation, it is not unreasonable to expect them to do the same.

I am not suggesting that the child grants be decreased – that should never happen – but that child care be improved by enforcing the obligations of irresponsible men.

The decent people who pay on their behalf should start fighting back. One simple way of doing this is that everybody who employs a woman, be she a domestic or farm worker or a trained specialist, should encourage and assist her to make use of the inexpensive procedure to force an absentee father to pay up. (Paternity is easily proven these days.)

The High Court is the legal guardian of all children, with powers greater than those even of parents themselves. A man who does not pay maintenance is not taking on a helpless woman, but a powerful court. He will lose nine times out of ten. And often he will not be a sore loser, because fatherhood somehow ennobles even the reluctant father.

Nevertheless, women should be protected vigorously against the anger of such men, who should not be regarded as sinners to be forgiven or, even worse, potential saints not to be blamed.

C J Nortje

Randburg