“I didn't write this book to preach for the choir. I’m not looking for people to snap their fingers, affirm me and say: ‘Speak, sister, speak’.”
This was the explanation given by Malebo Sephodi, the author of Miss Behave(published by Blackbird Books), on why she wrote her book, which seeks to unapologetically challenge societal norms pertaining to black women.
It is a book that is not afraid to rebel against what the author views as antiquated religious and cultural standards, which she feels perpetuate destructive patriarchy.
Sephodi said she was careful not to be viewed as someone who was trying to speak for all black women, saying she drew from her own lived experiences and how her family and society at large expected her to conduct herself as a “good Christian woman”.
“A lot of black women are afraid to step out of the confines of societal norms. It’s the same story with me, where - especially with the Christian background that I had - there were certain expectations that were placed on me as a woman.
“And that makes us (black women) feel like we have spokespeople, because everybody we encounter feels they have a piece of you and can tell you how to live your life,” she contended.
She added that it was difficult for her to, first, speak about and then write about challenging society’s views on black women, saying she understood that there was a risk of being ostracised when talking about “taboo” subjects, such as violent masculinity and sexuality.
“What that means is that you could be excommunicated, you could lose your friends and you might even lose family. So, it’s the risk that one has to deal with,” the author said.
“And I went through a really hard time - especially being raised as a devout Christian - and starting to question everything that I was taught about myself; that, as a woman, you should aspire to get married and that there are only two ways in which one can view sexuality. Sexuality is seen as binary - that there is only a man and a woman and there is only one way to think about it.”
IN PERSPECTIVE: Malebo Sephodi hopes her new book will appeal to men as well because patriarchy is bad for them too, she says
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There is an honest chapter in the book - “#DearBlackMan” - where Sephodi graphically details sexual, and other, abuses that she experienced from the age of six.
She opens up about her and other young women and girls’ shame when it’s time to report violations perpetrated by men on them.
“On top of dealing with the emotional trauma associated with conscious and unconscious recalling, you must deal with the possibility of no one believing you or making you doubt your experiences. When women speak out about their abusers, they have to deal with the police and society not believing them,” she writes in this punchy extract.
The chapter, much like the rest of the book, is wholly feminine without veering into the realm of male-bashing, and Sephodi asserted that black men weren’t a factor when writing this chapter because she just “simply got tired of speaking about the black man”.
“So, even when I was writing the book, I didn’t even have the black man in my mind - that he’s going to read my book. I was writing for them (black women) to see my encounters with violent masculinities. Especially because, if you read the book, you will see that I used to make a lot of excuses, and that happens in society a lot. So that is what I wanted to write about - that I have also made excuses for men and it took a while to get to where I am now.”
She said black literature, such as that of Black Consciousness leader Steve Biko, influenced her to start voicing her feminist positions in public.
Sephodi added that, even though Biko influenced her, she was not averse to critiquing his work in how it also included black women from the Black Consciousness narrative.
Asked who she hoped this book would resonate with, the author said she hoped it would appeal to both men and women because “patriarchy is not only bad for women, but I think it is also bad for men in the way that men get socialised to believe who they must be and how he must be, which leads to the violence on women that has been spotlighted.”
“So, if a literary giant says to me, ‘your book is cr** ’, I really would not get hurt because that is not my target market.”
@khayakoko88