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Can you guess which silly quote belongs to which celebrity? Be warned, there are some real clankers in there! The answers are at the bottom of the article. Good luck!
1) ‘This is going to sound big-headed - but I find myself endlessly fascinating.’
A: David Starkey. B: Julie Burchill. C: Jeremy Paxman. D: Steve Coogan
2) ‘I’ve only read one book [The Catcher In The Rye]. I feel terrible about it but I just don’t read books.’
A: Ricky Gervais. B) Gary Lineker. C) Jonathan Ross. D) Gregg Wallace.
3) ‘I’ve always thought it a great loss to this country that my daughter is not Home Secretary, head of Scotland Yard and the forensic expert on Silent Witness.’
A: Jennifer Saunders. B) Michael Heseltine. C) Trevor Eve. D) Anne Robinson.
4) ‘My figure is all down to a three-letter word that starts with an “s”.’
A: Carol Vorderman. B) Holly Willoughby. C) Amanda Holden. D) Sophia Loren.
5) ‘I’m so not a lesbian.’
A) Dannii Minogue. B) Kylie Minogue. C) Rebecca Adlington. D) Olivia Newton-John.
6) ‘I’ve never watched Downton Abbey.’
A) Maggie Smith. B) Barack Obama. C) Andrew Motion. D) Alex Salmond.
7) ‘Every celebrity is expected to honour the details of their private life with a press conference, a fragrance and a prime-time reality show.’
A) Gwyneth Paltrow. B) Michelle Dockery. C) Jodie Foster. D) Cate Blanchett.
8) ‘I f*****g hate going on holiday anywhere but in my own home. My idea of a nice break is lying in bed being brought cups of tea while watching football.’
A) Roman Abramovich. B) Billy Connolly. C) David Baddiel. D) Gordon Ramsay.
9) ‘Unfortunately, the masses are stupid. Only the individual is beautiful.’
A) Peter Mandelson. B) Tony Blair. C) Angela Merkel. D) Gerard Depardieu.
10) ‘One of my ex-husbands moved on to a woman who looks like a pig’s backside.’
A) Joan Collins. B) Janet Street-Porter. C) Barbra Streisand. C) Zsa Zsa Gabor. D) Ulrika Jonsson.
11) ‘Which artists do I admire today? Myself.’
A) Yoko Ono. B) Damien Hirst. C) Tracey Emin. D) Grayson Perry.
12) ‘Marriage is boring. I prefer being on my own.’
A) Jeremy Clarkson. B) Simon Cowell. D) Paul Hollywood. C) Bernie Ecclestone.
13) ‘I’ve changed my will. I’ve told everyone that the dogs’ home is getting the lot.’
A) Ben Fogle. B) Paul O’Grady. C) Brian Sewell. D) Peter Purves.
14) ‘At Cambridge I devoted myself to a field of endeavour in which I could excel: sex with rowers.’
A) Novelist Allison Pearson. B) Stephen Fry. C) Katie Derham. D) Mary Beard.
15) ‘Everyone thinks I’m going to be such a cow. I understand it actually. I think the same when I see the pictures.’
A) Cara Delevingne. B) Victoria Beckham. C) Ann Widdecombe. D) Naomi Campbell.
16) ‘Drugs? In my case it was the occasional puff, pass out for a couple of hours and then eat a loaf and Marmite.’
A) TV nature presenter Kate Humble. B) Andrew Marr. C) Michael Palin. D) Phillip Schofield.
17) ‘I find Madonna insanely irritating and completely fake. And I think she feels the same way about me.’
A) Piers Morgan. B) Lady Gaga. C) Sean Penn. D) Elton John.
18) ‘Joanna Lumley does for the nation what Camilla does for Prince Charles.’
A) John Humphrys. B) Gyles Brandreth. C) Princess Michael of Kent. D) Tom Parker Bowles.
19) ‘Unquestionably the most embarrassing thing I did at university was to attempt a world record for sitting on the lavatory.’
A) Nick Clegg. B) Professor Brian Cox. C) Mel Smith. D) Jon Snow.
20) ‘I was very, very pretty when I was younger. Now, I’ve a face that’s been lived in by a herd of camels.’
A) Chris Tarrant. B) Melvyn Bragg. C) June Brown. D) John Sergeant.
21) ‘I would describe my face as soft, almost like a balloon with a slow puncture.’
A) Eric Pickles. B) Eamonn Holmes. C) Russell Grant. D) Fern Britton.
22) ‘I get out of bed, look through my little black book for a likely phone number, pop a handful of Viagra into my mouth and put my teeth in.’
A) Barry Manilow. B) Roger Moore. C) Michael Douglas. D) Andrew Neil.
23) ‘Pamela Anderson is a love goddess - as impressive in her own way as the Dalai Lama.’
A) David Hasselhoff. B) Brian Blessed. C) Kim Kardashian. D) Russell Brand.
24) ‘The thing about kids is: if you raise ’em right, they leave you.’
A) Danny DeVito. B) Prince Charles. C) Trudie Styler. D) Rod Stewart.
25) ‘In the old days, nudity in the theatre threw a frost across an auditorium but these days people seem to enjoy it and it puts bums on seats. Bums on stage and bums on seats.’
A) Matt Lucas. B) David Walliams. C) Rupert Everett. D) Helen Mirren.
26) ‘My biggest disappointment is that, so far, none of my children has told me they’re gay.’
A) Dawn French. B) Emma Thompson. C) Sinead O’Connor. D) Oprah Winfrey.
27) ‘I like to eat oysters and drink very strong espresso when I have a hangover.’
A) Marco Pierre White. B) Nancy Dell’Olio. C) Paul Gascoigne. D) Rick Stein.
28) ‘Groupies? I don’t get anything like that. Who would want me!’
A) Bob Geldof. B) Keith Richards. C) Len Goodman. D) Alan Titchmarsh.
29) ‘I like men to be intelligent. Sex starts in the brain.’
A) Kim Cattrall. B) Jackie Collins. C) Barbara Windsor. D) Alan Carr.
30) ‘I always thought I looked better naked.’
A) Tom Daley. B) Anna ‘Duckface’ Chancellor. C) Andy Murray. D) Katy Perry.
31) ‘Don’t get married until you are at least 33. There is plenty there to peruse.’
A) Julie Walters. B) Antonio Carluccio. C) Richard Madeley. D) Judi Dench.
32) ‘Mild bondage is a great way to spice up a 12-year marriage.’
A) Bill Clinton. B) Jack Nicholson. C) E.L. James. D) Davina McCall.
33) ‘The answer to good health is not to think about it too much. I might live on marshmallows and Doritos one day, then only eat grapes, nuts and sardines the next.’
A) Nicole Scherzinger. B) Nicole Kidman. C) Helena Bonham Carter. D) Jane Asher.
34) ‘Every time I’m on telly now, I get a tweet saying: “Shave off the ’tache!” ’
A) Nigella Lawson. B) Kirstie Allsopp. C) Des Lynam. D) Bruce Forsyth.
35) ‘The trait I most deplore in myself? It’s difficult to find one when you’re perfect. I guess always being right.’
A) Seb Coe. B) Ed Miliband. C) David Bailey. D) George Osborne.
36) ‘I have a very sweet tooth. I confess I do eat raw jelly — that is one of my definite failings.’
A) Vince Cable. B) Fiona Bruce. C)John Prescott. D) Beyonce Knowles.
37) ‘I love a fake tan but I don’t think I will get the full mahogany. I’ll go a sort of salted caramel.’
A) Susanna Reid. B) Cameron Diaz. C) Tamara Ecclestone. D) Cristiano Ronaldo.
38) ‘I must have been a cow in a past life.’
A) Tom Hanks. B) Kate Moss. C) Edwina Currie. D) Chris Evans.
39) ‘I’ve never dealt in years. I deal in levels of fabulousness. Age is only a worry for people who spend their lives buying face creams.’
A) Jenni Murray. B) Cleo Rocos. C) Esther Rantzen. D) Pamela Anderson.
40) ‘I really have nothing but gratitude for the passing of the years.’
A) Rabbi Lionel Blue. B) Jim Naughtie. C) Sharon Stone. D) Angelina Jolie.
ANSWERS: 1 Julie Burchill; 2 Ricky Gervais; 3 Anne Robinson, after holidaying in Sri Lanka with her action-girl daughter Emma; 4 Carol Vorderman; 5 Olivia Newton-John, laughing off Hollywood rumours that she could be a lesbian; 6 Maggie Smith, who plays the Dowager Countess of Grantham in the series, said she would find it too frustrating to see things she could have done better; 7 Jodie Foster; 8 Billy Connolly; 9 Gerard Depardieu, defending Vladimir Putin’s clampdown on opponents after the actor became a tax exile from France and was given a Russian passport; 10 Janet Street-Porter, the Mail’s four-times-divorced columnist, speaking on ITV’s Loose Women; 11 Yoko Ono; 12 Simon Cowell; 13 Paul O’Grady, after appearing on the TV show For The Love Of Dogs; 14 Allison Pearson; 15 Victoria Beckham, joking about her po-faced image at the Vogue Festival in London); 16 Kate Humble; 17 Piers Morgan; 18 Gyles Brandreth in the week of Prince Charles’s 65th birthday, commenting on Lumley, who he had just seen read a John Betjeman poem at a party; 19 Jon Snow; 20 Chris Tarrant; 21 Eamonn Holmes; 22 Roger Moore; 23 Brian Blessed, who starred with Pamela Anderson in Aladdin at the Wimbledon Theatre; 24 Danny DeVito, after separating from his wife of 40 years, explaining how he’s a protective father to their grown-up children; 25 Rupert Everett; 26 Sinead O’Connor, the Irish singer and mother of four, who once admitted being ‘three-quarters heterosexual, a quarter gay’; 27 Nancy Dell’Olio; 28 Len Goodman; 29 Kim Cattrall; 30 Anna Chancellor; 31 Antonio Carluccio, on being asked what he’d learnt after writing 18 cookery books, suffering from depression and getting divorced three times; 32 Davina McCall; 33 Jane Asher; 34 Kirstie Allsopp; 35 David Bailey; 36 Vince Cable; 37 Susanna Reid; 38 Tom Hanks, speaking of karma and his view that the human condition doesn’t evolve until someone does the right thing. Thus, he said, considering the sum total of his knowledge, he must have been a cow in his past life; 39 Cleo Rocos; 40 Sharon Stone.