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Miley Cyrus is a silly little girl. This is not a matter of opinion, but a cold and hard fact.
How else do you explain why someone who had already hit the multi-millionaire mark before her 18th birthday, with sweeping TV and musical success to support her mounting money pile, would suddenly be so steadfast in her mission to send herself down the proverbial pit with a ferocious tug at the toilet chain?
The flowing locks of brown luscious hair have been replaced with a bleach-blonde top-heavy crew cut of sorts; the feminine floral dresses have been supplanted by the kind of outfits you would usually only expect to see on a dominatrix (okay, minus the teetering plastic heels) and where once her lyrics spoke of sweet (if somewhat naïve) self-belief and upliftment, sex has now become the mainstay of her songs.
And the less said about those ridiculous attempts to create a signature pose, which leave her looking more like a demented goblin than the “cool rock chick” I’d imagine she’s going for, the better.
(FYI Miley: The Prodigy’s Keith Flint cornered the market on the tongue-out-devil-horned-hair image eons before you were born. And he was so much better at it.)
As Joan Rivers, the undisputed supreme ruler of sharp-tongued witticisms, declared:
“We get it. You’re no longer Hannah Montana. But you could do it with a little more grace.”
Those standing on Miley’s side of the ring question why she should suffer such condemnation, when so many others before her walked much the same path in attempting to make the treacherous transition from child star to adult performer (er, wait, let me rephrase that…).
Well, yes. But their crossover to the dark side was a lot less abrupt. Or drastic. And while the Britneys and Christinas might have started out as part of the cutesy Mickey Mouse Club posse, such ventures were merely a stepping stone on their paths to fame and glory. Not the sole foundation of it.
(Besides which, Britney’s breakout song invited you to “hit me baby, one more time” – a sure sign from the start that behind the pigtails lay a rather raunchy vixen.)
Conversely, Miley’s entire career has been built on the basis of her being the innocent, blue-eyed babe.
Suddenly we see sweetie-pie girl-next-door sucking on spliffs, rubbing her near-naked touchie against someone’s man bits in front of a crowd of millions and swinging on wrecking balls in nothing but her birthday suit, and it’s understandable we’re perturbed.
Heck, if even the poster gals for bawdy, bad behaviour like Pink and Cher are telling you to tone it down, you know you’ve officially entered the realm of Tackyville.
And to prove it, Miley has now not only lost the coveted cover of US Vogue (Anna Wintour axed her, following what she deemed Miley’s “distasteful” performance at the VMAs), but she may very well have lost the love her of her life, too.
Fiancé Liam Hemsworth called time on their relationship in the wake of the same VMAs “incident”, which left him “mortified”.
Worse still, Miley has officially lost her dignity. As Pink put it:
“She’s talented, she’s beautiful, she can sing her ass off and to go up there and do that?
“She’s cheating herself and she’s cheating the rest of us.”
LARA DE MATOS