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Survivor: Will playing at deception be effective?

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TO Survivor Tribal Council

Well, well, well. The time for tribal game play is drawing to a close (as we witnessed in the “stay tuned for scenes from our next episode” segment), and it will soon be every man (or woman) for themselves.

Best you all be watching your backs, boy and girls…

 

#DAVE-ISMS

 

You proclaim you don’t see yourself as a traitor, Dave, but there you are, wilfully lying to Steph (as you’ve done to so many others) with a straight face, while gleefully mouthing “I’m bad, bad, bad” to camera.

But since you’re obviously misguided on this matter, here’s a definition of the term: “Traitor: A person who betrays someone or something, such as a friend, cause or principle.”

And for the record, Michael Jackson has the monopoly on being bad – you know it.

 

TOOTSIE TALK

 

“If you can’t get your hands dirty, then don’t expect to take cookies out of the jar…”

Er, actually Marian, the expression is “caught with your hand in the cookie jar”.

Clearly, being a conniving (beeeeeep) does not necessarily equate to actual intelligence.

 

FEATURED FLASHER

 

The (younger) lads may be vying for the title of Fittest and Fastest, but best they beware of Vel. She might be petite, but with that many muscles rippling across her toned physique, I reckon she could give the boys a serious run for their money.

Girl power!

 

MEOW!

 

“I feel absolutely nothing to vote Stephen off” (just like you felt nothing about voting off any of your tribemates);

“Like flies to a spider’s web” (in response to Marian’s comment about this being “the appropriate moment to toast to the final two”);

“We have a healthy mutual respect for each other’s dark side”, again said in relation to your witchy sidekick… and so the list of mean-spirited comments goes on.

Oooh Shane, you’re so badass. Batman must be shaking in his boots (yawn).

 

KEEPING UP WITH CORNE

 

He might have started off sappy and hey-shoo-waa, but Corne has really come into his own.

Despite losing what could easily be deemed the best reward to date (full braai, booze, pool party… the only thing missing was the pina coladas) and, admittedly, being “bitterly disappointed” about it, this honourable captain refused to allow his team to despair.

In his words: “I feel your pain. But the question you have to ask yourself is, did you come all the way to the South China Seas to have a braai and Hunters, or to be the ultimate Survivor?”

(Cue Eye of the Tiger playing in the background, with a fade-to of Zavion adoringly gazing at his idol…)

 

FLY FISH

 

“I was absolutely over the moon when (SuperSport presenter) Carol (Tshabalala) picked our Buff from the bag. Women are better at directions than men. Men don’t like to ask for directions.”

Ahh, now we remember why we liked you so much at the start of the series, Marky-Mark (no relation to the rapper-turned-Calvin Klein underwear-model-turned-actor).

And to prove your point, Utara went on to win reward. Whoop, whoop!

SPECIAL MENTION

 

See, here’s what I’m struggling with, Steph: you present yourself as the all-American football player (thanks Marian) and proclaim to be distressed at the backstabbing and double-play, while sanctimoniously apologising to Dave (as you did to the other contestants whose heads were on the chopping block) for the fact you would be putting the proverbial “X” next to his name.

But if you were indeed that contrite, why the smug look on your face during tribal council when Dave “admits” to Nico he’s the only person to have packed a bag?

 

• Survivor SA: Champions, Sunday on M-Net at 5.30pm.

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