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The reality is life’s a beach

Desperate women. Crazy women. Delusional women. Seriously, how are you on Basketball Wives, but you’ve never been married? As long as you are one of those three types of women, you could totally bag a reality television series.

Yes, even you. The only other people who seem to be the right ones to rake in viewer ratings are teenagers, especially the ones who were born with a silver spoon touching their epiglottis.

Hey, until Ken Jeong decides to allow cameras to follow his every move then those are the categories I am sticking with.

Falcon Beach is that kind of show. Think The OC, just in Canada. Yes, yes, I know. The 53rd US state has given us Drizzy Drake and his personality-filled hairline and it’s also the birth place of one of the best female rappers of our time, Eternia. But, when it comes to television, Canada has given us something else: Falcon Beach, which premiered on Top One last week.

Falcon Beach is not a reality show, but it may as well be. The outrageous plotlines are the stuff New York, who got shoved out of the race to win Flavor Flav’s heart in the Flavor of Love reality show, would deem too tame to be into. How a grown woman allows a looney man like Flavor Flav to strip her of her given name and replace it with Deelishis, Thing (not from The Addams Family), Hoopz, Hottie, Serious, and my personal favourite, Toasteee (with three e’s), is beyond me. But I digress.

Set in a fictional town called Falcon Beach in Manitoba, Canada (it was actually shot at Winnipeg Beach, Manitoba), this show really started out as a film. But because of an overwhelming demand, it ran for two seasons. There is Jason Tanner, the poor teen who, if he were a character in Glee, would sing Travis McCoy and Bruno Mars’s I Wanna Be a Millionaire. There is also Paige Brandshaw, the poor little rich girl who is the talk of the town. Together with their peers, these teenagers give viewers a glimpse of what it must be like living on the coast and left (primarily) to your own devices.

Well, look on the bright side: at least it’s not another show featuring delusional, crazy and desperate women.

lFalcon Beach airs on Top One (Top TV channel 150) every Wednesday at 7pm.

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