Rough guide to getting out of London alive

London - If you ask me, I would like all the Olympic tourists still present in London, of which there appear to be many, as well as all those in-coming for the Paralympics, to print what follows, laminate it, and wear it on a lanyard around their necks for easy reference and as a constant aide memoire.

If such tourists do so, every single indigenous Londoner - easily identifiable as anyone not wearing cargo shorts or money belt and who would prefer to be shot in the head than ever voluntarily visit Oxford Street - would be extremely grateful. Here is what you need to keep telling yourself:

London moved to second place from the top spot in 2012. Credit: AP