Helen Nicholson

Eighty five percent of your business and personal successes will be determined by your ability to communicate effectively with others.

People often say that some people are just born with charm, and they believe they don’t have the same ability.

But you can learn to be a warm, friendly, likeable and charming individual by observing and utilising a few of the techniques used by some of the most successful people in the world.

Ron Arden and Brian Tracy, both consultants who have had a huge impact on my career, believe that charm has nothing to do with intelligence, experience or education.

Charm is simply your ability to interact with others – it makes people more receptive to you and your message. As a result, they are more willing to be influenced by you, to buy from you, to enter into business and personal relationships with you, and to think of you in positive terms.

I remember meeting a journalist from Talk Radio 702 who had once talked to Bill Clinton on one of his trips to South Africa.

She said: “I didn’t think the man was particularly good-looking, I didn’t agree with his politics or his morals, and yet I was captivated by him.”

She was dumbstruck by the power of his personal presence when he walked up to a woman, addressed her by name and asked her how her son’s soccer career was going.

When this journalist found out that the woman had met Clinton only once, three years earlier – and that she was not well known in his circles – she went away with newfound respect for his ability to charm people.

The secret to charm is to make others feel important.

Paying attention – being fully engaged with the person you are speaking to – is the key to instant charm.

You will achieve this by:

1. Listening attentively – Listen without interrupting. Completely focus on the other person, as if he or she is the only person in the room.

2. Pause before replying – Rather than jumping in as soon as the person has finished speaking – which I often used to do, as I’d be so keen to add my penny’s worth – pause for three to five seconds.

The effect of these signals? People will find you fascinating and charming and seek out your company.

l Helen Nicholson is a networking guru who has written the best-selling book Networking – Get your black belt in business success.

Contact her on helen@the networkingcompany.co.za