London - In times of need, it seems, an overwhelming number of us will turn to family rather than friends.
In research that speaks volumes for the value of our nearest and dearest, nearly 19 people out of 20 said they rely on their husband, wife or partner for help when they have a problem, far more than would look to a friend.
The findings pour cold water on the fashionable idea that a network of friends can provide all the help and support that a spouse or partner can.
In practice, fewer than a quarter of men would share their troubles and fears with another man.
Even among women, who are far more likely to rely on their friends, fewer than half would share their feelings with another woman in tough times.
The importance of family over friends was demonstrated by the newly-developed Understanding Society database that is designed to track the lives of people from 40,000 homes.
The long-term study, financed by the government’s Economic and Social Research Council, has already provided evidence that married couples are happier than cohabitees, and about the short duration of most cohabiting relationships.
Professor Heather Laurie, who led the latest research, said: “Spouses or partners were largely described as providing positive support.
“Some 88 percent of respondents said their partner understood the way they feel, with only 10 percent admitting that they had felt let down by their partner when they were counting on them.”
Some 94 percent said they could rely on their partner if they had a problem, and 90 percent said they could talk to their partner a lot or at least “somewhat”.
The study found: “Family members and friends can also provide positive support, but it seems that men are more inclined to rely primarily on their partner, if they have one, while women are happier to turn to family and friends.”
Getting help and support from other people provides a buffering effect that protects us against shocks such as divorce, ill-health, bereavement or losing a job, the researchers said. They added that people with support also have better mental and physical health.
Only 24 percent of men would confide their feelings to another man, the study found. Among women, 46 percent would share their deepest feelings with another woman.
Both men and women were more likely to confide in friends of the opposite sex.
More than four out of ten women said their friends understood the way they felt, compared to seven out of ten men. Only 4 percent of men and 2 percent of women had no one at all in whom they could confide.
The study did not explore the differences between the ways in which married and unmarried couples trusted and supported each other.
Professor Laurie, who heads the Institute for Social and Economic Research at Essex University, said: “Gender differences in perceptions of social support from partner, family and friends appear quite marked.
“Men who have a spouse or partner rely heavily on that person for positive social support while women tend to look more widely to other family members and friends.
“This suggests that men and women differ in their approach to their relationships with family and friends.” - Daily Mail