Most guys would rather spend a night out with their best man buddy than hang out with their wife or girlfriend.
Fact.
Of course, every man who is in a relationship will flat out deny this - well, at least to his significant other.
Wives and girlfriends, sadly, believe they’re always competing with their man’s best friend for his attention. This, however, is not true.
You see, there is no competition. A man’s best friend wins hands down every time because quite simply, guys are just more fun than girls. Once again, women are never told this by their partners for obvious reasons.
Nevertheless, your girlfriend will always be jealous of the relationship you share with your best man buddy. The jealousy comes out in those arguments you have just before you leave for poker night when she says things like, “go be with your stupid friend”. You are also likely to be accused of being gay.
“You should’ve married him instead of me” or “maybe I should get out of the picture so the two of you can be together,” are particularly common gay jibes.
The reality is that women will never truly understand men the way men understand men. Men need to be around other men, it’s not just about good ol’ recreational fun, it’s essential to our spiritual, physical and emotional well being. Yes, men are allowed to be emotional - especially when they get shot in the face during Call of Duty and feel like crying.
There are things a man can say to his best man buddy that he can’t say to his wife or girlfriend, like “hey, check out the cannons on that one!” or “I’d like to give her the 3rd degree”, when Debora Patta comes on TV.
There are also those things that a guy can do with his man buddy that his wife or girlfriend will regard as “dumb”. Like videogames, for example, which almost all women believe are “stupid”, unless of course it’s the Wii, which doesn’t really count. Not in a manly sense, anyway. Men don’t like videogames where you drive little carts or do aerobics. We want to kill shit. Give us Grand Theft Auto, Call of Duty or any other equally violent videogame and we’re happy.
Eighty four percent of all male bonding happens during the playing of violent videogames. So when women describe a game in which you run around shooting each other as “stupid” it’s because they just don’t get it - and it hurts us deeply.
Another thing that women just don’t understand is the concept of “boys’ night” - a sacred ritual - crucial to the wellbeing of every man.
Most women assume that when their husbands or boyfriends are out with their friends the occasion will automatically involve chasing loose women - one of the biggest myths of our time. Boys’ night is not about chasing tail. Well, not really. It’s about guys being able to be guys without being judged or criticised. For married men it’s like that half an hour in prison when they let you out of your cell so you can exercise.
Where the trouble comes in is where guys get lost in the Neverland that is boys’ night and struggle to strike a balance with the reality of their lives - their relationships.
As much as you think a female-free world would be a great deal of fun, the reality is, that women complete a different part of us, which is why it is essential that you know how to balance your bro-mance with your romance.
This week we get the expert on the subject - my wingman Matthew Savides - who has been with his lady, Megan, for almost three years (almost a lifetime, these days) - to tell us how he does it. In fact, he’s so good at this delicate juggling act that he nearly got to go gaming on Valentine’s Day, just that the other boys were not that lucky (or skilful).
How to balance your bro-mance with your romance
Give her girly time:
The best way to guarantee time with the boys is to give her girl-time. If she gets to go out with the girls, you get to go out with the boys. And besides, if she goes out with the girls you don’t have to listen to all that incessant nonsensical babbling girl-talk - and you know you don’t want to.
Details, details, details:
Girls love detail. Fact. Guys hate detail. Double-fact. But to satisfy her natural (and insane) girly curiosity, you’re going to have to give her details of the evening. Choose the least incriminating piece of information and tell her about it - in the most excruciating detail possible. Sights, sounds, colours, smells, everything needs to be spoken about. She’ll be so excited that you “shared” with her those 15 minutes that she won’t even ask about the other seven hours of the night.
Get calendar-wise:
If you plan a night with the boys, let her know well in advance. Never say that you ARE doing something; tell her that the boys are thinking of a get-together on such-and-such a date. If you’re really good, you can even make it sound like her idea - “You should definitely go out. An evening with the boys will be good for you” is the line every guy wants to hear.
Don’t go AWOL:
Always be contactable. Men can make the mistake of turning off their phones. Terrible idea. She’ll think something’s wrong or, even worse, that you’re up to something. Text her every so often. If you do this you’ll save yourself an interrogation that makes Guantanamo look like a quiet chat with your grandmother.
Boooriiiing:
Nothing exciting happens on boys’ nights. Ever. Even if it was the most amazingly awesome throw-your-hands-up-in-the-air-like-you’re-being-arrested-and-just-don’t-care evening in history, it was simply “okay”, “meh”, “average” or “would have been better, especially if you were there, baby”. - Sunday Tribune