QUESTION: My friend has been married for 17 years to a man who is neglectful and unfaithful - my husband has heard terrible stories about his affairs. Now she has been chatted up online by an old flame. She’s racked by guilt, but I think she should meet him. Shall I tell her that her husband is a cheat?
ANSWER: My fear is that you make choices for your friend, when it’s she who must live the life thereafter. Her husband may well be a ratbag, but it is possible she loves him and would rather live in denial.
The passion we have for others is not always proportionate to the respect they show us.
Sometimes we would rather live with the person we love than someone who behaves better, but holds less appeal. And sometimes those who wrong their spouses regret it and do better by them.
I’m not saying your friend’s husband will mend his ways, I’m just pointing out that intervention is a high-risk strategy.
You believe the truth will set your friend free, but what if it destroys her?
And quite apart from anything else, some people never forgive the carriers of this sort of bad news. Are you even certain of the truth? It’s always dangerous to act on rumour.
I can see how the online knight in shining armour looks like a solution. But they had a brief fling years ago and it must have ended for a reason.
Perhaps he’s not reliable either? After all, here he is sending endearments to a married woman with a view to seducing her.
You need to talk to your friend, but not concerning her husband’s presumed adultery. Instead, ask your pal how this approach made her feel.
Could this ego-boost even prompt her to ask her spouse to raise his game? Sometimes lazy partners need a reminder that their other halves have admirers, too. - Daily Mail