Cape Town - The recent suicide of a teenage girl has put the spotlight on bullying in schools.
October is international anti-bullying month.
Charne Roberts, 17, hanged herself at home last month after being bullied by a gang of girls at her school.
Charne’s heartbroken mom Magdalene recently met Beverley Davids, whose son Chauncey died during a freak accident at his house last year.
It’s believed the unhappy 14-year-old used dangerous chemicals to conduct an experiment at his Mitchells Plain home. Chauncey died in the ensuing fire.
In October last year, Beverley started Chauncey’s Epic Anti-Bullying Campaign. She now visits schools, churches and communities on the Cape Flats where she speaks to children about bullying.
When the two mothers met for the first time recently, Beverley pointed out that they have a lot in common. “We are the same age, both our children have died and they were both bullied at school.”
In both cases, it was the youngsters’ siblings who alerted their parents about the problems at school.
Magdalene says the reality of her daughter’s death still hasn’t sunk in.
It all became too much for Charne when bullies at her school in Manenberg accused her of having sex with another learner’s boyfriend. One of the girls also allegedly beat her up.
Magdalene says: “I thought she took her own life because someone, a boy, disappointed her and because of what the girls were saying about her at school. But the police came to me [last week] and told me my child was still a virgin.”
“I still can’t believe my child had the guts to do something like this,” she says.
“I looked at her that day and she looked fine. If I knew what she was going to do then I would never have let her out of my sight.”
Magdalene says after her daughter Stacey told her of the bullying, she offered to go to the school. Charne refused, but she went anyway. “I told the principal I’m going to the police station, he told me nothing will happen because the girl [who bullied Charne] is under age,” she says.
“I could see my child was unhappy. Every day I just prayed that the bullying would end.”
Magdalene says the tragedy opened old wounds for her, because she was also a victim of bullies. “I went to school at a late age and I was bigger than the other children so they always teased me,” she says.
“This was one of the reasons I didn’t want to go to school any more.”
Beverley says Chauncey’s ordeal began in 2012 when he was in Grade 7, and was being beaten up by other boys.
“There were telltale signs, he had a funny cough, constant headaches, he wasn’t disrespectful at all but he wasn’t as happy or chirpy as we knew him,” she says with tears streaming down her face.
“But we had a whistleblower right in our house and that was his younger sister, Beyoncé. She witnessed all of his beatings.”
Beverley says at one point Chauncey was attacked so viciously that he could “barely speak”.
“The side of his mouth was open. I went to the principal and nothing happened,” she says.
Beverley says she stopped sending her children to school as the bullying become worse.
She started the campaign to help other victims and their families.
“My aim is to spread awareness, to make people know that hiding bullying and sweeping it under the mat, those days are over,” she says. “Too many of our youth are dying due to bullying.
“If it happens amongst adults then you can lay a criminal charge, but it’s okay [for people] for it to happen among kids, and it shouldn't be like that.”
What the education department says:
The Western Cape Education Department says many cases of bullying are unreported and as result, no intervention takes place.
The department’s Jessica Shelver says the Safe Schools Call Centre received 45 calls in 2014 about bullying, and nine so far this year.
Shelver said: “The WCED views bullying in a very serious light. It is imperative that learners report any form of bullying immediately to their class teacher, school principal or to the Safe Schools hotline, so that we can respond accordingly.”
All cases are referred to the department’s special education support staff, which include social workers and school psychologists, who work with schools to support victims of bullying, as well as address the behaviour of bullies.
“In addition to this support, the WCED also provides training and support to schools on how to deal with bullying,” says Shelver.
“The WCED’s point of departure is that bullying reflects deeper personal problems. These include an inability to form positive relationships.
“If we don’t address these problems properly, then we can expect other problems to surface including various forms of anti-social behaviour.
“Parents are key to identifying behavioural changes in their children which could be as a result of being bullied. I therefore appeal to parents to keep an eye on their child’s behaviour.
“If your child seems withdrawn or angry, investigate the reason for these changes and speak to a teacher, if the matter is school related.
“Parents can contact the nearest District Office if they are not happy with the response of the school,” said Shelver.
Danger signs
Expert comment by Isle Pauw, clinical psychologist
Pauw says there are different types of bullying - physical, emotional and cyber bullying.
Pauw says: “Emotional bullying would be gossip, spreading rumours or sidelining the person. This is more prevalent among girls.
“Now there is also cyber bullying. This is a big problem because [the victim] experiences bullying 24 hours a day, seven days a week.”
She says parents must be aware of their children’s emotional and physical state: “Some of the telltale signs to look out for are when the child becomes withdrawn or does not want to go to school anymore.Other signs include depression, when the child avoids social activities, has mood changes, and boys often become angry.
“Parents should [also] collect evidence as much as possible.”
Pauw explains this is crucial for when the matter takes a serious turn and parties are called in.
“For instance, if you are Facebook friends with your child and see something, you can always screen grab it and keep that as evidence,” she says.
Pauw says parents need to keep an open mind, and not become “hysterical”.
“The reason children are scared to speak to their parents is because they are afraid it might get worse, or in the case of cyber bullying they fear that their cellphones will be taken away.”
It is important to note that the bully “is also a child in need.”
“Often children act out because of problems at home. Bullies need help and that is what’s often missed,” she says.
Pauw adds that victims of bullying often say they were hurt more by the attitude of bystander than by the actual bully.
Find on how to deal with bullying here:
* WCED website – www.westerncape.gov.za/general-publication/bullying-school.
* The Safe Schools call centre can be reached at toll-free number 0800 45 46 47.
* Chauncey’s Episode anti-bullying campaign – Beverley Davids can be contacted on 073 557 8849.
Daily Voice
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