Durban - Do you feel torn between family life and work?
Life seems to be getting faster and the chores and challenges are endless. Moms are always on duty and have to be available at all hours.
With careers, children and chores, many feel overwhelmed and exhausted, trying to be supermoms by juggling careers and spending a lot of time with their little ones. Often this is impossible and unrealistic and leaves them feeling guilty.
So, what do children need and how much time is optimal?
Research with children shows that they value the quality of experiences with their parents, much more than the duration or quantity. You don’t need to spend hours every day to have a happy child. Balance is the key – plan each day to spend time on yourself, your children, family, chores, work and sleep.
The younger the child, the more time must be spent as there are more primary needs, such as feeding, dressing, cuddling and bathing.
As children grow older they discover their surroundings and other people. They don’t need to be protected as much, but start to discover and learn through play.
As a parent you are the most important role model in your child’s life. The happier you are, the happier your child will be.
Spending quality time is more important than spending long hours with your child while feeling exhausted and thinking of your work and things you have to do.
If you are able to switch off other disturbances and devote yourself completely to your child, 30-60 minutes per day is sufficient. Try not to think of work or other stressors, ask your children what they want to play or do and have a great time with them.
Children lose interest in certain activities quickly which means there is no need to spend hours playing!
Parents who feel guilty often allow their child to manipulate them. Many try to ease their conscience by buying anything their child asks for. But is that what children really want?
Ask your child if he had three wishes, what he/she would wish for most. You will be surprised at the answer – 90 percent of children will say they want to spend time with their parents.
Activities don’t have to cost money or require lots of planning. If there is more than one child in the family, make sure you spend quality time alone with each child.
Remember: balance is the key. Anthony Witham, author of several family management and parenting books, once said “children spell love…T-I-M-E”.
Practical ways to spend quality time with your kids
Retail Therapy
Let them push the trolley for you, or give them simple items to get as you go down the aisle.
Responsibility makes them feel trusted, important and as though they are contributing. If you can, walk to the shops, to give yourselves a little more time together.
Family cooking classes
If you’re expected to cook after a hectic day at work, try to work in ways for your kids to help. Depending on their age, ask them to help by handing you ingredients; if they can safely handle some of the utensils get them to stir, wash vegetables or add spices. Explain the steps.
Break time
Make time solely for you and your children, setting aside an hour to play. This will leave them feeling special and you will be able to carry on working without a guilty conscience.
Activities that promote bonding
One on one
Spending time alone with your children is important. It shows them that your relationship is special and that they can trust you and talk to you.
Take a walk, go to a movie or do an activity that is important to them.
If you have more than one child, and time is not optimal, set weekend “dates” . You can alternate a set amount of time each Saturday to spend with just one child for example, with the other understanding that next weekend is their turn.
Play their games
Exercise is important for your child and you. Try to incorporate physical activities into your play time. You can take them swimming, walking, play ball or dance. This will increase the serotonin (the feel good hormone) levels, make everyone feel happier and help you to bond.
Quality time doesn’t have to cost anything, be extremely time consuming or need to happen every day. Quality time is the time you have with your child where you bond, feel happy and enjoy each other’s company. That is often enough to build a great parent-child relationship.
Daily News
* If you need advice or have questions, e-mail Andrea at [email protected] or visit www.eq-advantedge.co.za