Dear Prudence,
My daughter is a beautiful, successful woman now in her mid-20s. A few weeks ago, she tried to come out to me as bisexual, and I refuse to believe it. I honestly feel like she set herself up to be labelled this way. She had a gay friend in high school, was part of the “Gay Straight Alliance,” and has expressed sympathy for the issues homosexuals have to deal with. I've always told her it will either end up rubbing off on her, or she'll be pressured into living the lifestyle as well. My daughter is straight! She's always dated men, and experienced long-term relationships with men. I told her that I believe she shouldn't broadcast this kind of thing to the world because, whether any of us like it or not, she'll be perceived differently. She didn't become angry, but she did close off from me in a way, becoming very distant. How can I tell her that she needs to take a step back and look at herself for what she is — a STRAIGHT woman being influenced by the homosexual lifestyle?
Mother Knows Best
Dear Mom,
Rubbing up against people of the same gender does not make one gay or bisexual. It's the desire to do the rubbing that's key. I hear your protests, Mom, and I doth say they're too much. Announcing in all caps, even all caps, italic, and bold, that your daughter is straight will not make it so if that's not her orientation. Your anxiety and insistence have only had the effect of driving her away. If you want to permanently lose any sense of intimacy with her, keep on this path. But if you want to restore a loving and open relationship, then apologise. Explain to her that you've been thinking about your reaction and you realise part of it is because you're from a different generation and have been responding out of the kind of fear that would have been more appropriate for a time that is now blessedly passing. Say you love her and you're going to work on yourself so that you can be happy about whomever she loves.
* Emily Yoffe is an advice columnist, using the name Prudence.
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