QUESTION: My 24-year-old son was a slow starter and only recently brought his first serious girlfriend home.
I just wish I’d warmed to her. She wears revealing clothes, flirts too much and talks about her exes. My son seems obsessed, but I fear she’ll run rings around him. Should I tell him to be cautious?
ANSWER: Most mothers feel they were put on this Earth to ensure their child’s happiness. If that means ruthless intervention, they gallop in at speed.
But there are certain occasions when discretion is better - such as when you feel an impulse to offer an unsought critique of a child’s girlfriend or boyfriend.
Love is blind, but it is also deaf to hostile comments about the beloved. Infatuated youngsters tend to view parents’ objections as the stupidity of sad old bores or resentment of their passion. Sometimes, there’s an element of truth in the accusation.
Those of us who were young in more buttoned-up times can feel envious of the carefree sexuality of today’s generation.
It’s also never wise to deliver a damning verdict on a person you’ve just met. If you have any faith in your son’s judgment, there will be richer qualities lurking beneath this woman’s social front.
The only real issue is what’s best for your son. Do you want him to end up a loveless thirty-something? Isn’t it better to feel a little sexual obsession than indifference - and to have an over-exuberant, flirty partner than to be single and lonely?
Finally, do bear in mind that if you are a powerful figure in your son’s life, he’s likely to be drawn to young women with equally strong characters - which can lead to an unpalatable power struggle between mother and girlfriend.
The only way to avoid this is to cut the apron strings and never make him feel he has to choose between passion and family.
Daily Mail