Washington - Parenting coach Meghan Leahy answered questions recently in an online chat.
Here she deals with how children deal with anger.
Question: My seven-year-old son has a hard time dealing with anger and upsetting emotions. Just yesterday, losing a game against his cousin was too much for him, and he ran up to him and kicked him in the tummy.
He wouldn't calm down, so we had to leave the scene. I tried to talk about it at home, but he just put his hands on his ears and refused to listen.
It gets a bit confusing to me as to how to be gentle and empathetic and set limits and consequences at the same time.
Answer: Okay. This is a child who needs more guidance on how to channel his frustration and anger from you, his parents. While you would like him to be seven and able to handle losing, he cannot.
So, let's begin where we are!
I would slow down the play dates and situations where the frustration erupts as violence; they are making things worse. I would start playing with him (card games, soccer, whatever) and start modelling what frustration looks and sounds like.
Is it okay if he kicks the ground? Jumps up and down? Punches a pillow? What are the safe ways he can vent frustration (because it HAS to come out).
Really support him and smile when he handles his frustration in a safe way. The goal is not “no frustration.” The goal is “safe outlet.” - Washington Post.