Washington - Earlier this week, I published a column that upset a lot of waiters. At its heart, the piece was about a decision that restaurants are faced with: Should we encourage our wait staff to clear plates as soon as customers are finished with them, or wait until everyone at a table is done eating?
It was meant to be lighthearted and playful, but many people didn't see it that way. They disagreed vehemently with both my view and my tone. One reader, in an email that was both very angry and very funny, quipped: “Mr. Ferdman, if you were a dinosaur, I would name you hyperdramatic-pettysenstiveasuarus.”
Many readers, most of whom identified themselves as waiters, have made legitimate arguments defending or criticising the practice. They also point that out that it's easy to blame the wait staff for something that is entirely the management's doing. Other readers, most of them restaurant goers, have agreed with me, and then included a laundry list of other annoyances.
So I figured, why stop at kvetching over plates being cleared too early when there is so much else to make a fuss about? Let's gather all of the small grievances out there, and then, instead of bringing them to an expert in etiquette or a food critic, run them by someone who actually waits tables for a living and often loses patience with people and their petty complaints.
That person is Darron Cardosa, who runs The Bitchy Waiter, a popular blog about waiters' grievances with the customers they serve. Cardosa has been waiting tables for more than two decades. And he has tons of opinions on the things that annoy people at restaurants, why they happen, and who is really to blame. The interview has been edited for length and clarity.
Q. Why do you think there is so much entitlement with people who visit restaurants?
A. Most people aren't entitled, but I think sometimes people feel the need to exercise their power. That's the impression I often get, that they're only asking for things or requesting changes because they feel like they can or are allowed. So if you get free refills, even if you don't want a second soda, you'll get it because it's free, and then not drink it. People do the same with bread, and tables, and all other sorts of things.
The fact that you are able to go to a restaurant, have someone cook the food for you, and serve it to you, and clean up after you_that's already a pretty good deal. A lot of people don't have that, or can't have that.
Q. That would lead me to believe that you disagree with how I feel about clearing plates before everyone at the table is finished eating, but you actually don't. Right?
A. I don't ever want to put my customers in a situation that makes any of them feel uncomfortable, because all that's going to do is make their experience less than good, which will probably end up reflecting in my tip. With clearing only one person's plate, all that's going to do is make the person who is still eating feel uncomfortable, make them feel as though they should stop eating so their plate can be cleared too. I don't want to rush people like that.
I agree with you because I'm convinced that that makes people feel uncomfortable. Eating at a table by yourself, while three other people watch you finish your food, that's not right. So I 100 percent agree with you, and I actually know many other servers who do as well.
Q. You realise that people are going to think that I cherry-picked a waiter who agreed with me, right?
A. I do realise that it comes down to management. I was just talking to a friend about it last night, who is also a server. She said that her boss encourages her to take the plates as soon as someone is finished eating, and she hates it. The thing is, she actually works at a nice and expensive restaurant, a place that is considered fancy. So it's happening at white cloth restaurants, too. I think it comes down to money. Everyone wants to move tables.
But I also wish that other servers would chill out. One of my colleagues at the restaurant seems to disagree with me. He clears plates as soon as someone is done with their last bite. I let him do it, because it's his table, and his tip, and I think he believes he's providing great service, but it makes me cringe. I guess people see good service in different ways. I see it as rushing, and he sees it as being very attentive.
Q. I forgot about napkin folding. What do you think about it?
A. I find it kind of odd and disgusting, but I have had to do it in the past.
I've always hated it for two reasons. The first is that I hate having to pick up someone's napkin that they've been using, and having to refold it, because I don't want to touch their napkin. But I don't think that the customers necessarily wants my hands all over their napkin anyway.
Some places even fold the napkin and lay it across the chair, which is equally disgusting, because someone was just sitting on that chair who was sitting on public transportation just before, and now that napkin is going to go to their face. That's just gross.
Q. So just because something is a tradition doesn't mean it shouldn't be tinkered with.
A. Absolutely. I know one thing that really pisses people off, and I don't like either, which is the tradition of always giving the check to the man. When the check comes, waiters just automatically hand it to the man, because the man must be paying. That can really tick a woman off, and it should — especially when she is actually the one paying for the meal that night.
Q. People love reservations, but many restaurants hate them. What do you think about them?
A. When a restaurant doesn't allow people to take reservations it's usually because it's a small restaurant. If somebody makes a reservation for eight people at a restaurant that only seats 24 people, and those eight people don't show up when they say they are going to show up, that's a huge problem. That restaurant will likely have blocked off that table an hour before the party was supposed to arrive. If they don't show up, the restaurant has lost a third of its seating.
But restaurants also don't take reservations because they don't need to. There are many restaurants that simply don't need to book people ahead of time to know that they are going to have people sitting in every seat. And if the turnover is quick, you can make more money just by seating people as they come.
The problem is that all it takes is for someone to show up for a reservation 15 minutes late to really screw up the whole seating rotation of everything that's planned. You know, a reservation is only a guideline. You can't say your table is definitely going to be ready at 8 o clock, because the people who had that table at 6:30 might decide to have a cappuccino and an after-dinner drink.
I actually think that not having reservations is the better way to ensure good service for people, and here's why. First, you're not going to disappoint someone by telling them you're going to have a table ready for eight, and then either you're not ready or they're not there on time. That really starts things off on the wrong foot, and it often spirals from there.
Q. Here's one that a lot of people have written me about: How often waiters ask a table if everything is all right. Is that all right?
A. You know, this is an instance where I totally agree with people. That annoys me too, and I've been waiting tables for 25 years now.
I started waiting tables at a Bennigan's, where you had something called a two-minute check back. Two minutes after serving customers their food, you came back to make sure everything was okay, because that gives everyone a chance to taste everything. And after that, I was taught to swing by every once in a while and make eye contact so that you're readily available. But you don't actually need to interrupt their conversation to ask, 'Is everything okay?,' because if a customer finds something that is not okay, they're going to figure out a way to let you know. A server doesn't need to ask every five minutes whether everything is alright.
Q. Several people have pointed out that they can't stand it when waiters fill their water glasses when they are still half-full.
A. Okay, well, um, I think anyone who gets upset by that is just looking for something to be upset about. I mean, that to me is the server trying to make sure that they're doing their job. If a glass is half empty, that means it's probably going to be completely empty, what, four minutes from now? They just want to make sure that it doesn't go empty. Does anyone like an empty glass? No.
Q. What other gripes do people have with restaurants that you've noticed?
A. One thing that never used to happen but now seems to be really common is that people don't just order what's on the menu. Instead, they look at menu, and find components of, I don't know, like three different dishes, and then ask for all of them. They say, 'I want this from this thing, and then this from that thing, and the sauce from here, and the vegetables from here.' People are just way too comfortable now creating their own entree.
That's fine, I guess, if you have time to do it, and the kitchen can handle it, and your owner or manager doesn't care. But that's rarely the case that all of those things are true.
I think it's partly a symptom of the world we live in now, where we have so many options at the touch of our finger tips, that if we don't see exactly what we want, we think we're entitled to still have it or create it. I think that's spilled into the restaurant world. People say, 'Well you've got this, and this, and this — can't you just make that for me?' And if you push back they ask, 'Well, why can't you? You've got all the ingredients.'
That didn't happen 10 years ago, but now it does. I think people feel a lot more entitled to get exactly what they want, when they want it.
Q. How much do you think the rise of diet fads and awareness about food allergies has played into that?
A. A lot. But I'm not a fan of the attitude some people have about it.
A woman recently came into the restaurant, and asked whether the couscous that was part of a dish was gluten free. I said no, because couscous isn't, I think we can all agree, gluten free. Anyone who is gluten free, I thought at the time, should know this, that couscous is not gluten free. Couscous is full of gluten. Anyway, I told her that we could replace it for potatoes, but that the sauce that comes with the dish is made with flour, so I'll leave that off. And she said, 'Oh no, you can leave the sauce on, because some gluten is okay with me.'
That person is clearly then not gluten free. And they are making it difficult for people who do have celiacs disease, and depend on restaurants to make sure that there is no gluten in their meal. Those are the people who really upset servers, and I think rightly.
Q. The ones that say they're gluten free and then order a beer. Does that happen often?
A. Oh yeah. It happens with beer, and it happens with desserts. Someone will say they are gluten free, that they can't have pasta, or need this or that removed from their plate, and then order like a chocolate brownie or a piece of cake or something else that clearly has tons of gluten.
Someone last week told me that she can't have any sugar. Nothing. And then she orders a tonic water, which is all sugar. Does it get any more perfect than that? People who just make it up as they go along.
That's how you really upset a server, by making a big scene about something and then totally disregarding or disavowing it ten minutes later.
Washington Post/Bloomberg