Cradock - Lean is mean, a fighting machine. Lean is tight of tummy and hard of ab, taut of skin and devoid of flab. Lean knows no beer boep, worships the ripple and the sleek, and scorns the lard-ass, that less than kind Americanism for the fat kid in class.
Lean is hawkish and sure of itself. It brooks no dissent. Lean is often blinkered and prone to tunnel vision. I am Lean, therefore I Am.
But Lean is not the final arbiter, because Lean has no levity, that key ingredient of the nicer people on the planet.
If Lean is flour, Flab is the butter that helps turn it into cake or bread. If Lean is the muscled dude who cannot take his eyes off his own image in the mirror at the gym, I’d sooner hang out with the guy back there, the one panting on the cycle machine and wishing it was all over. The one with a bit of a tummy that he can never quite fight off, and the creases around the eyes that suggest a lot of laughter and appreciation of the wit and sense of irony that get us over life’s hurdles. That guy, the one back there, may be the mirror guy in 15 years time, once life has taught him a few things. Because lean can turn to flab, and that’s not necessarily a bad thing. And Lean might get the girl right now, for a date or three, but she’ll stay with Cycle Guy.
Beefy stuff, all this, and it’s making me hungry. I’d been eyeing two packs of lean beef mince I had bought to make burgers with, and noticed that despite the “lean” appellation on the packet, as if this attested to the meat’s provenance, the flesh clearly had a fatty component. And within reason, this is a good thing, adding both flavour and moisture to the mix.
But this meat was pretty lean as slightly fatty meat goes, and perfect for a beef burger. But the beef (or venison or lamb) mince is only the starting point for a good burger patty. Don’t go the route of the former breakfast spot at Gardens Centre in Cape Town where the beef burger tasted only of blood. No seasoning at all was allowed, not even salt and pepper. And it showed, badly.
Use spices, use herbs, even a soupcon of a sauce (tomato, chutney, Worcestershire, chilli, soy, almost anything you fancy as long as it goes with the other flavourings you’re using). Use onion and garlic, perhaps ginger as long as it’s finely grated and cooked to soften first. The onion and garlic, however, need not be cooked first although you can blanche the onions and drain them if you like. You can also saute the onion and garlic until soft if you prefer.
And finally, you need day-old bread to give the burger some body, and a beaten egg to bind it. (The bread will also contribute to keeping the patty together.)
You need a large, deep bowl. The one I use is big and round and made of stainless steel, strong and spacious enough for kneading the mince.
Beef Burger
1kg lean beef mince
1 large onion, grated
2 cloves garlic, very finely chopped
1 tsp ground cumin
1 tsp Spanish smoked paprika
1 tsp Thai seven spice
Salt and pepper to taste
1 Tbs Worcestershire sauce
Squeeze of tabasco
1 Tbs olive oil
2 slices day-old white bread
1 egg, beaten
Place all ingredients except the egg in the bowl. Use clean hands to knead the mixture until it is wholly combined.
Beat the egg and stir in thoroughly with a wooden spoon.
Take lumps of the mixture in floured hands and mould into a round. Pat this between your palms as if clapping your hands, but without dropping the patty. This helps firm the mixture and avoids it crumbling when you cook the patty. Which presumably, is where the name “patty” comes from.
Heat some olive oil in a flat frying pan or table-top grill. Slice a few very thin rounds of onion and pop them in, to one side. Add the patty to the centre and fry, turning so that it does not catch, until just done. Don’t overcook it or it might dry out. Shove the onion around now and then so that it doesn’t burn either. When the burger is done, pop a slice of tomato into the pan and cook quickly on both sides.
In a small bowl or ramekin, stir a teaspoon of mustard into a large dollop of mayonnaise until well combined.
Lightly toast a halved sesame bun on both sides. Put the patty on the lower half, top with the onion and tomato and finally a great dollop of the mustard mayo.
You will not be a lean, mean fighting machine after tucking into this, but you will be happy, like Cycle Guy.
Weekend Argus