London - If you’re the type of woman who calms down quickly after a row, congratulations.
Your relationship is on solid ground – no matter how long your other half sulks for.
According to research, the happiest marriages are those where the wife cools off quickly after a fight, even if her husband stays angry.
Scientists said that women are better at starting those difficult conversations that will solve the problem and allow both parties to move on – but only if they have regained their composure first.
And ironically, they found that if the husband attempts to start those conversations himself, his spouse will criticise him for trying to resolve things too quickly.
Lead author Lian Bloch, an assistant psychology professor at Berkeley and Stanford universities in the US, said: “When it comes to managing negative emotion during conflict, wives really matter. Emotions such as anger and contempt can seem very threatening for couples.
“But our study suggests that if spouses, especially wives, are able to calm themselves, their marriages can continue to thrive.”
The researchers studied more than 80 middle-aged and older couples by videotaping them and analysing how they interacted, taking into account factors including body language, facial expressions, tone of voice and conversation topics.
According to Berkeley College, “time and again they found that marriages in which wives quickly calmed down during disputes were ultimately shown to be the happiest, both in the short and long run”. In contrast, the husband’s emotional regulation had ‘little or no bearing on long-term marital satisfaction’.
The happiest marriages were those in which women used what the researchers called “constructive communication” to temper disagreements.
Berkeley College psychologist Robert Levenson, a senior author of the study, said: “When wives discuss problems and suggest solutions, it helps couples deal with conflicts.
“This may not work so well for husbands, whom wives often criticise for leaping into problem-solving mode too quickly.”
The research was part of the long-term monitoring of 156 heterosexual couples in California. Every five years since 1989 they have updated researchers on how happy their marriages are. - Daily Mail