QUESTION: I met my partner five years ago, after my divorce.
We have a great love life, but live apart, so I can give time to my two teenage sons. Now his boss has offered him a two-year placement in Istanbul. He says he’ll take the post only if I agree, but I am terrified our relationship can’t survive the distance. What should I say?
ANSWER: Long-distance romances are tough, but nothing threatens a relationship more than a lack of generosity.
And I fear you might appear miserly if you deny your partner this life-enhancing chance. You’re not married, and we live in an age of Skype, email and cheap air travel.
Wouldn’t you feel resentful if he kiboshed an adventure for you out of insecurity?
Remember, your partner has already been generous to you, gracefully going along with your decision to put your sons first and live with them.
Now it’s time to be equally considerate with him. Ask him what choice he’d make if you weren’t in his life.
If he says immediately he’d travel to Istanbul, that’s the decision you should encourage. After all, the chance to live and work in another city is rare in middle-age. He’s probably feeling just as fearful about the strain on the relationship. So formulate a plan to make the scenario work.
I’ve known couples in similar situations who took it in turns to fly to each other, and they relished the intensity of snatched weekends in foreign cities.
Sex is generally far more intense if you have to ration it.
Obviously your ability to be flexible is also going to depend upon your family. But it’s hardly unreasonable to ask your ex to have his boys on a regular basis.
There’s no need to fear your best beloved will end up in someone else’s arms if you make enough effort to cross the waves and Skype every night.
This is all about how you choose to see it: golden opportunity or terrifying threat.
If you’re brave and take the first option, everyone in your life should benefit.
Daily Mail