QUESTION: Every November, I meet up with old friends I’ve known since the 1980s. I’ve always had a crush on one of the men, but he’s never seemed interested. However, this year, he was very flirty and we arranged a lunch in January. But when I told a mutual pal, she said I should cancel because he’s still in a rocky marriage and I have a live-in boyfriend. Is lunch with him really such a crime?
ANSWER: Has it even crossed your mind to tell your boyfriend you are planning to meet up with this long-time crush?
If the answer is no, then you’re already acting like you’re having an affair - which doesn’t bode well for you protesting your innocence in this meeting.
It is easy to jettison reason when an old flame strides back into view. He may seem more mysterious, unobtainable - and, therefore, desirable - than your boyfriend. But would you be so charmed if you’d had time to get to know his less appealing habits? Plus, he’s still married.
How will a flirtation (and that’s only the best case scenario) with someone in the first throes of a mid-life crisis enhance your sanity or self-esteem? And why would you betray your partner when you’ve taken the big step of sharing your house with him?
It would be much fairer if you told your boyfriend your intentions. That would make you less likely to act unwisely, too. Either way, this is a symptom of a more important problem.
Why is it that you need extra excitement in your life? Do you feel your relationship is short-changing you? Has the passion died, or was there never that much spark in the first place?
It’s clear to me that if you were in tune with your partner, you wouldn’t be lusting after a bloke from college days.
It’s far more important you put energy into rekindling home fires than chasing a man who’s been indifferent to your charms for the best part of 30 years. - Daily Mail