QUESTION: My husband left me suddenly after 26 years of marriage and three children. It took me ages to summon the courage for online dating and far longer to find someone. I found two - one my own age and one 17 years my junior. My head says I should choose the man my age, but I have chemistry with the younger man. What should I do?
ANSWER: You would have put considerable care and thought into committing to your husband and yet he left you. The question is whether the head is always a more reliable arbiter of romantic stability than the heart.
While it may generally be true that an older man may be more capable of long-term fidelity, this is a generalisation.
And I have met young men who are impeccably loyal to older female partners and older males as fickle as any young stud. And, of course, many older men simply lose their libido as they age. Profound reciprocal emotion seems to me a better guarantee of lasting happiness than age.
After raw chemistry is taken into consideration, I’d look at which of these men is happy to support you in your working life and has no problem about joint finances. Which of the two shares the same taste in friends and recreational activities, and who makes you laugh most. A 34-year-old man knows his mind in the way a lad a decade younger might not — when a brief Mrs Robinson fantasy may distract him.
Three of my good friends are in stable, happy relationships with men who are considerably younger than they are.
This is not to say you should pick the younger of your two Romeos; just don’t discount him for the wrong reasons.
In my 18 years of commenting on relationships, I have noted strong sexual chemistry can prove a better glue with couples than more sensible qualities.
Will you always feel you’ve settled if you marry the man your age? And is that a sensation you’re prepared to live with?
Finally, I would simply ask you to say which of these men do you instinctively feel will make you happiest.
Don’t worry about your life 20 years hence when the here and now looks so propitious. - Daily Mail