'My boyfriend dabbles in the occult'

Published Nov 20, 2015

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QUESTION: My boyfriend and I have been living together for a couple of years, but the problem is that, ever since his mother died, he's suddenly taken an interest in the occult.

He wants me to try out a Ouija board, and spends his time on the internet looking at sites that go on about conspiracy theories.

He works, but he's increasing disparaging about his colleagues, who used to be friends, saying they're not “aware”. I don't have any time for all this, so it makes things rather difficult. I do love him, but do you think it's a sign of mental illness?

Yours sincerely,

Adrianne

 

ANSWER: If you hadn't mentioned anything about his mother, I'd definitely start to feel extremely worried about your boyfriend.

It would appear to me to be the start of a mild paranoia, and once that gets a grip, of course, nothing is sacred. As soon as you show a smidgeon of scepticism about the ideas, you are then labelled as one of “them”, and if his obsession were to escalate further, I think you would find yourselves growing further and further apart, however much you cared for each other. It's certainly a very bad sign that he's beginning to become estranged from his colleagues at work.

It could work, of course - couples in which one is a believer in the Bible and goes to church and the other is an atheist do exist and seem to survive, though I find it hard to comprehend, but presumably the believer is not banging on about it the whole time in the way that conspiracy theorists usually are, 24 hours a day.

Shared beliefs, or beliefs along vaguely the same lines at least, are all part of the glue that holds a couple together, and since you've only been together two years, apparently have no children and aren't married, then I can see that this obsession, if it continues, would eventually drive a wedge between you. I remember my own relief when a close friend declared that he had realised that all conspiracy theories were absolute nonsense- until he followed it up by saying that he now realised that all these theories were actually put out by the Government deliberately to scare us.

In this case, however, I feel sure that your boyfriend's interest has been triggered by the death of his mother. He is first of all trying to contact her through a Ouija board, and then, by getting sucked into the conspiratorial web, trying to find some meaning to a life that, because of her death, he feels has lost all meaning whatsoever. If his mother has died, where has she gone? As the great comedian Dan Leno used to say: “Ah, what is a man? Wherefore does he why? Whence does he whence? Whither is her withering?”

If you can guide your boyfriend to a grief counsellor, he'd be far better off than looking to the supernatural for answers - although even the sanest of people have found comfort from consulting spiritualists, who often just reassure them that their dead relatives are happy and still love them, which seems harmless enough and can offer great solace.

But if your boyfriend can't be weaned off these ideas even after six months or so, I'm afraid you may have to consider that he is changing into someone who is not the same person you got together with originally. And perhaps it's time to go your separate ways.

The Independent

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