London - Choosing care for an elderly parent is one of the most stressful decisions we will ever make, a survey found.
It ranks higher than getting married, choosing a school or buying a house in terms of worry. Even getting divorced is rated less stressful, say members of the “sandwich generation”.
These are men and women who have to care for – or arrange the care of – their parents as well as their children.
Smaller families, longer life expectancy and late parenthood in life mean that the number of “sandwich carers” is growing, with an estimated 2.4 million Britons juggling their responsibilities for both parents and children.
About 84 percent of the 259 men and women questioned by the Care Quality Commission, the hospital and care home watchdog, said deciding how to care for an elderly relative was very stressful or quite stressful – making it the top choice.
This decision could be about whether they are well enough to stay in their own home – or it could be about which care home will look after them best. Financial worries, fears over the standard of care and guilt about putting a relative into a home are all likely to contribute to the mental turmoil.
And many people are forced to sell their parents’ home to meet the high fees required to keep them in care.
Next most stressful was buying a house, with a score of 67 percent, followed by choosing a school for a child. Child care took fourth place in the list of six, divorce was in fifth place and getting married was sixth.
British Care Minister Norman Lamb said: “Choosing the right care for someone we love can be an overwhelming experience. There is a vast amount of information to deal with and balancing that with day-to-day pressures can be really hard.”
Helena Herklots, of charity Carers UK, said: “Our ageing population means that caring for older people or disabled loved ones will be a reality for all of us at some point in our lives. At that point we will want the best for our loved ones.
“Juggling the care we want for those we care about alongside work and family commitments can be stressful and confusing.”
The CQC carried out the survey to mark the launch of a new rating scheme for care homes, with will see them ranked from “outstanding” to “inadequate”. Andrea Sutcliffe, its chief inspector of adult social care, recently admitted that she regularly received “heartbreaking” letters from families wracked with guilt for leaving a relative in a poor home.
“Week in week out people tell me and my team how inspectors discover some truly awful care which should not be happening,” she said.
Some experts have said the rise of the “sandwich generation” will spell the end of a comfortable middle age. They predict that people in their 40s and 50s will increasingly resent taking on extra responsibility, while also faced with working longer before drawing their pension.
The financial burden of caring for the young and old means fewer will be able to use their pre-retirement years to pay off their mortgage, go on trips and fulfil lifetime ambitions.
George McNamara, of the Alzheimer’s Society, said: “Like walking into a maze blindfolded, when faced with the difficult decision of moving a loved one into a care home many families struggle due to a lack of trusted information and advice.
“We know that for families and carers of people with dementia it is particularly challenging. No one should feel that they or their loved ones should have to settle for poor care.” - Daily Mail