By Liz Fraser
Ladies, it's official: childbirth doesn't hurt. At all! In fact, it's wonderful. I know this because Brazilian supermodel Gisele Bundchen said so.
Recalling her eight-hour labour, which took place two months ago in the bath at her home, with her mother and husband present, she said it 'didn't hurt in the slightest'.
And that, after lots of preparation and yoga, she 'managed to have a very tranquil birth'.
The next time I need a relaxing beach holiday, remind me to go into labour, won't you? It sounds idyllic.
Sadly, though I do know women who have had almost pain-free experiences of labour, for most mothers childbirth is about as far from the one Gisele described as you can imagine.
As far as I'm concerned, labour was one of the least tranquil, most excruciating things I've ever experienced.
And yes, I did try the yoga.
My first time lasted 35 hours, and I was in terrible pain throughout. But I was determined not to have any pain relief.
Why? Because pain relief, I'd been told by midwives and do-gooding mothers, was for wimps. When I did finally cave in and ask for something to dull the agony, my midwife, who appeared to have been trained by the Royal Marines, urged me to: 'Keep going! You can do this by yourself! You
are strong!'
I felt like I'd let the Sisterhood down just for asking. It took the kind words of a male doctor to say 'please have an epidural. It's not a sign of weakness and will help you, and your baby' to change my mind.
And the moment the anaesthetic took effect and my whole body relaxed, I wished I'd done it hours earlier - and felt angry that I'd been encouraged not to.
I'd become convinced that if I caved, I would have lost the competition - and taken the 'soft option'.
The fact is that, whether we like to admit it or not, motherhood makes most women very competitive.
If it's not how old your baby was when he or she first talked, it's how pretty they are, or when they first walked or lost their first tooth. The list is endless.
And the pressures on moms are getting greater every year.
Where once making a happy home was enough to gain entry to the Good Mother Club, now the criteria are enough to make even the toughest mums weep.
We should look great, dress in the latest fashions, earn a living, bake organic cupcakes, have a beautiful house and keep our man happy in bed.
We should be there when our kids need us, but be somewhere else when the job does.
The truth is that none of us manages even a quarter of all this without suffering from burn-out, because we're human. We are women, not robots.
This competitive female culture has now seeped into childbirth. It's always been there to a certain extent, but the emphasis has changed.
Ten years ago, labour stories were all about the suffering: 'Oh, I was in labour for three weeks and the baby weighed 6kg. I couldn't walk for a month and I still can't look at a trampoline without wetting myself.'
Nowadays, the fashion has turned and it's all about how wonderful labour is. How peaceful. How well we coped. If you don't have a natural, 'proper' labour - like Gisele - you've somehow failed. You are less of a woman; a failed mother from day one.
A writer friend told me: 'There's a culture now where pain -relief is seen as a namby-pamby option, and if birth isn't at home and enjoyable you've done something wrong. I've heard people say "I managed it fine without any epidural" as though they should be given a medal. It made me feel inadequate.'
This pressure to have a baby 'naturally' is strengthened by the National Childbirth Trust (NCT). Under the heading Working With Pain In Labour, it advises us to 'Trust your own body and rely on your own self-help resources'. U-huh. Don't tell me... like 'breathing'.
We are advised that if it feels tough, we should 'ask your midwife how you are getting on. Positive encouragement - knowing you are coping well and making good progress - can make all the difference'.
This is all true, but deciding you need pain relief can also make a difference and does not mean you've done second best.
Where childbirth is concerned, we cannot have fashions.
I've even argued that we shouldn't even have birth plans - because we have no choice in the matter. It's not like deciding whether to buy skinny jeans or boot cuts.
In the majority of cases, labour starts when it wants to and ends when it ends. Despite attending every class in the world, planning every last detail like a military operation and buying whale song CDs, you still have little control over childbirth, and little choice.
This was the case for a friend of mine with three children: 'People forget that you don't always get to choose. I'd have liked a water birth for my first, but ended up with an emergency Caesarean section.
'Then I told another mother and she just looked at me, shook her head and said that she felt sorry for me because I'd never experienced childbirth properly!'
None of my labours went even remotely to plan.
The good news is that the pressure to give birth in a certain way is lessened in subsequent labours, because you know how hard it can be, and what the risks are.
'First-time moms who opt for home births don't understand the risks - I'm pretty sure Helen would not have made it if I'd gone for home birth,' said Natalie, a mother of four.
'You do get tougher and less tolerant of some of the literature aimed at first-time moms - much of it sets them up for disappointment.'
And by the time we have our second baby, most of us have made enough supportive friends who know childbirth is different for everyone. The less we judge each other - and ourselves - harshly, the happier we'll all be. - Daily Mail
Pain relief options
Dr Trudy Smith, principal specialist and senior lecturer in the department of obstetrics and gynaecology at the University of the Witwatersrand, outlines five methods of pain relief in labour:
- Tens machine: Pads are attached to the back that send a small electrical current that confuses pain fibres and results in pain relief.
- Entonox gas: This is a mixture of oxygen and nitrous oxide (laughing gas), works quickly and takes 30 seconds for an effect. It is breathed as a contraction starts.
- Pethidine injections: These are used during the active phase of labour and are used together with an anti-emetic to prevent vomiting. They enter the bloodstream and make the patient drowsy so that the pain is improved.
- Epidural analgesia: a small catheter is placed into the space between the spinal cord and the bone in the spine. Drugs are infused in a small amount to deaden the nerves and cause pain relief. If you have a mobile epidural you will be able to walk around during labour.
- Labour support: It has been shown that good labour support decreases need for analgesia. A doula, or birth assistant, does not have to be medically trained but can give useful support. - Daily News Lifestyle Reporter