London - The clouds are looking menacing, the sky is an ominous grey and it looks like the heavens are about to open at any second. It’s the middle of July in the UK but it could be November – and instead of sheltering inside, nursing a cup of tea, I’m stripping off and about to submerge my shivering, flabby, blue-white body in an icy stream.
An old lady walking her dog looks at me as if I’ve lost my mind. “You’re not going in, are you?” she asks. I nod my head and my teeth are chattering. As I dip my feet into the water, I gasp with the shock. I start to think of Ophelia singing in the river before her muddy death and get quite stressed, which isn’t really the idea. This is supposed to make me into a serene, glowing being, like Gwyneth Paltrow.
Last month the 38-year-old actress wrote in her newsletter, Goop, that dipping into natural water is her top tip for conquering stress.
“There is a kabbalistic tool that can be of assistance in awakening the consciousness of certainty,” wrote Gwyneth. (I think she means something that will help declutter your mind.) “It is called the mikveh, which is simply immersing our entire body in water, preferably in natural flowing water such as a stream, ocean or river”
She got the idea from her spiritual teacher, Monica Berg, who says: “Water represents mercy and is also our ‘spiritual mother’. As we immerse ourselves in water we can envision current or past worries and situations that are plaguing us, and let them wash away from us.”
I’ve never had a spiritual mother and I’m not sure I really want one, but I’m keen to find out if a quick dunk can cleanse away the stress of an out-of-control overdraft, an imminent tax bill and a broken boiler.
I head off to the River Test, near Winchester, to find out. Daniel Start, author of the book Wild Swimming and a natural bathing fanatic, recommends a stream near the pretty village of Houghton. He describes the water as being “filled with water buttercups”. It sounds idyllic and I can start to understand why wild bathing is enjoying such a resurgence.
Daniel says he has had a million hits on wildswimming.co.uk, from people wanting to find out the best spots to swim in streams and rivers across the country.
He says: “People are increasingly keen to cleanse themselves in something entirely elemental, simple and innocent – what better than a lake or river pool? Once I am swimming, all my cares seem to float away as the whole environment is vitalising and sensual.”
I find my spot and it is utterly beautiful.
In I go, squealing with the cold and the sharp stones on the stream bed. Gwyneth would have thought to bring jelly sandals, I think. According to Gwynny’s guru, I have to submerge myself four times to be cleansed of four types of stress.
The first time I lie down so that I’m completely under the water. Monica Berg says I am to “meditate on removing negative, repetitive thoughts that are ruminating in our head”. I don’t meditate on anything apart from the fact that I’m so cold I can’t breathe and I think I might die. This is quite a lot of negative thinking in less than 10 seconds, but it’s safe to say I’m not worrying about my boiler.
I pop my head up and feel a rush of warmth as my body hits the air. I am covered head to toe in goosebumps and my heart is racing.
In the second submersion, I should “focus on removing negative things we see that are causing stress and judgement in our life”. I’m not sure what I see that causes stress in my life – except for the size of my bum and the mess of my flat, so I try not to think about these things when I go down. Again the shock of the temperature means I don’t think of anything and close my eyes so I can’t see anything – so I suppose that’s good. The water is velvety smooth.
By the third try, I’m feeling much warmer. Well, perhaps not warm, but numb. This time I am supposed to aim my attention at the words I use and “those words that were directed toward us, in a negative nature”. The cold means a lot of swear words are going around my head – so again, I think I fail the specifics of this task but it doesn’t matter. By now I’m actually feeling very good. Euphoric even.
As I come up for air, I look around. It’s a Thursday afternoon and I’m lying in a stream in one of the prettiest spots I’ve ever seen. For five miraculous minutes the sun comes out and I feel like I’m in Eden… then I start to shiver again.
On my fourth dip I’m to think about the actions other people have done, or actions I have done, that have created stress in my life. In my case I’d say it’s probably inaction that causes me grief, so I congratulate myself on having actually got off my backside to dive into uncharted waters.
I’m done. And I feel great. Ridiculously, giddily great, and yes, I am totally stress-free. I can honestly say my day-to-day niggles did not enter my head. Walking out of the water, my body feels all warm and tingly from the blood rushing around. I feel shiny, new and exhilarated.
Driving home with a stupid grin on my face, I start to think that maybe these “spiritual gurus” and A-listers know a thing or two after all. Gwyneth, all is forgiven. – Daily Mail