What is it about the KTM 990 Superduke that everybody likes so much?
It's harsh, vibratious, thirsty, impractical, uncomfortable at high speed, difficult to ride in traffic and nobody I've spoken to has a good word to say about its looks (the most charitable description I've heard is "individual").
Yet I didn't want to give the test bike back; it's one of a handful out of more than 300 models I've ridden in 11 years for which I've seriously considering raiding the pension fund.
And people who've ridden it say things like "awesome throttle response", "insanely quick steering" and "hooligan tool deluxe", all of which are true.
Start with the LC8 V-twin engine; its included angle is 75 degrees instead of the mathematically more elegant 90, which makes it much more compact.
KTM says the LC8 is the lightest and smallest litre-class V-twin engine on the market and it's difficult not to believe that once you've seen the bike in the metal.
However, it also destroys the V-twin's innate primary balance and makes it vibrate unpleasantly above 5500rpm (about 140km/h in top) and gives it the same flat, angry drone as the Aprilia Mille (which has an 80-degree V-twin), only more so.
It power-thuds alarmingly up to 3000rpm - although it manfully refuses to stall - and it rattles like a bucket of bolts when it overheats (which, in heavy traffic, is always).
But grab a big handful of throttle and the revs rise and fall like a cobra striking; from 4000rpm to way past the power peak at 9000 it accelerates like few bikes - and no other V-twin - I've ridden.
It doesn't matter what gear you're in; the Superduke jerks forward like a startled pony and then takes off like it's trying to prove Einstein wrong.
The throttle is so over-sensitive that the bike is almost impossible to ride at traffic speeds and every time you go over a bump the engine feels like it misses a beat.
I rode it to work for a week but it took intense concentration and a delicate right hand to hold it at a steady 60km/h.
The clutch is superb (on this bike, it needs to be), taking up smoothly at exactly the same place, hot or cold; it goes home with the slight, reassuring jerk indicative of a solid hook-up.
The gearbox, however, is of a piece with the engine; at low revs it's noisy, notchy and occasionally balky; combined with the jerky throttle it makes smooth gear changes a matter of luck rather than good judgement - with or without the clutch.
Ride it like you stole it
But the harder you ride it the better it goes. Forget cruising; either you have the throttle wide open and the bike barking at the moon or nailed shut with the Superduke spitting and popping bad-temperedly at the vehicles around it.
The admonition "Ride it like you stole it" could have been coined for this bike.
But once you get out on your favourite back roads the insanely quick throttle response is perfect for tight corners, the GP-style Brembo brakes scrub off speed like running into wet cement.
The too-sensitive steering tightens up and becomes scalpel-accurate and the engine dishes out great gobs of torque at the slightest twist of the wrist.
The suspension, harsh and short-legged around town, soaks up even the bumpiest test road without jarring the rider's kidneys or pattering out of line and the KTM responds to rider input like a GP machine.
For the record
It has a slight tendency to shimmy on long sweeps and sometimes wiggles through the handlebars at high speed (the cure, as always, is to hold the grips with your fingertips - easy to say but difficult to do at 200km/h+) but settles down nicely on our very smooth test straight.
For the record, Mr Garmin and his friends in the sky recorded a top speed of 225km/h with the rev-counter needle a millimetre short of the power peak at 9000rpm. The KTM also got there incredibly quickly, using only 1500m of our six-kilometre test straight.
But with a high fuel tank getting in the way when you want to disappear behind the instrument pod tank and no wind protection whatsoever it's also something you do only once - for the record.
High-speed antics on the Superduke are also expensive; the test bike returned an extravagant 8.5 litres/100km over the test period, which included commuting and cruising as well as performance testing.
Sweet spot
The engine's sweet spot at about 140km/h was also the fastest cruising pace I could keep up for more 10 minutes at a time; above that it was a strain just to hold on.
I also found a blunt ridge on the edge of the seat catching me on the inside of each thigh and making the bike really uncomfortable after a couple of hours.
So, it's not a touring bike, it's not a sport bike and it's ill at ease in traffic; it's the quintessential blunt instrument, with lots of muscle but no finesse whatsoever - so what on Earth is it for?
It's for fun, that's what - sheer, outrageous howling at the moon. It's impossible not to get addicted to the Superduke's insanely sudden rush of mid-range power, to the absolute barking madness of its acceleration.
Resistance is futile; you will become a hooligan.
- Test bike from KTM Cape Town.