Cape Town - Debbie Adlington, the sole survivor of an axe attack on her family, a domestic violence victim who was shot multiple times and the young woman who was abducted and held as a sex slave at the age of 12, all come from different backgrounds.
But the one thing they have in common is that they “survived against all odds”.
In addition to surviving, all three have fought hard to get their lives back, and have used their experiences to help empower other women.
All three agree that they’re lucky to have escaped their attackers, and survived.
Adlington, whose husband bludgeoned their three children to death with an axe, said that even after all these years, she’s never been able to put her ordeal fully behind her.
In January 2002 her estate agent husband Tony Adlington bludgeoned her on the head, murdered their three children, Craig, nine, Kevin, 12, and Katelyn, 11, with an axe, set them alight, and then shot himself in their Marina da Gama home.
The couple had been together for 18 years and Adlington remains puzzled as to what drove her husband to snap, although many claimed that his military stint during the Zimbabwean war played a big part.
Adlington was hit three times with an axe, suffering a split skull. Doctors never expected her to survive, but she made a miraculous recovery, even after learning the devastating news about her children’s deaths when she emerged from a coma.
“I was in a coma for three weeks and the doctors did not give me more than 24 hours to live. I was paralysed on my left side and could not walk. But I survived because of my three children, whom I believed at the time were still alive.
“I always thought that they were in the hospital somewhere. But obviously they weren’t,” she said.
Adlington’s entire world shattered when she found out what had happened to her family.
“At first I could not remember. They gave me a piece of paper and I drew a stick figure holding an axe in the hand. So I must have seen him but I could not remember.”
She always wondered why her husband attacked her first, and why she was the only one to survive.
“I tell you, if you had known my husband, you could not have wished for a better father. Up until today I cannot believe that he was even capable of doing what he did.”
Adlington said the scary reality was that they were not battling financially, and there were no obvious signs that he had problems.
“My strength comes from sharing my experiences with others. I’m lucky to even be here and I’m even more blessed to have a healthy seven-year-old daughter, Kylie-Ann, who’ll be turning eight in November.”
Adlington said she was no longer bitter about the tragic events in her life, although marriage will never again be on the cards for her.
“I still think about my three other children every day of my life. But being a mom to Kylie-Ann is great.
“She knows she’s a donor baby and she’s happy anyway. She knows she had three siblings, but believes they were killed in an accident,” she said.
Adlington said birthdays and holidays remained particularly difficult.
“My eldest daughter would have been 22 on the 28th of this month. My son would have been 23 this year and my baby son would have been 21 in December.”
Adlington works as a receptionist and has taken up motivational speaking to help other women who are battling hardships.
Her advice to others?
“If there are ever signs of physical or verbal abuse, or just plain old jealousy – run as fast as you can, don’t stick around, just leave. There’s help out there.”
*A Strandfontein mother of two, who was shot several times, allegedly by her own husband after she began divorce proceedings, has urged other women to get out of bad relationships before things turn toxic.
She was attacked and held hostage in her home, days after her 41st birthday in April this year.
She had been estranged from her husband since last August. Despite ongoing counselling, she had decided to go ahead with divorce proceedings.
On the day of the attack, she recalls that her husband was acting strangely. “It was like he was watching me like a hawk,” she says.
Her husband wanted to know if he had to move out that day, and she told him she didn’t know. Their divorce went through a month later.
“I went into the room. When I turned around he was right there with the gun in his hand. I begged and pleaded, but I was trapped inside the house. I tried running from one room to another, but he kept shooting. I tried calling my dad, but he could only hear my screams… and then the phone was shot out of my hand.”
She said she tried to close the door, but he shot right through it. When her home phone rang, she managed to slip past her husband as he reloaded his gun.
“I ran for the phone, but he managed to pull it from the socket. By that time I had already been shot multiple times, but the entire time the images of my beautiful children stayed with me.”
There was no doubt in her mind that she should have died that day.
“I begged and begged for the sake of our children. I remember yelling, ‘Allah hu akbar’ (God is great in Arabic). I remember thinking, I will get through this, as I heard the sirens and the police outside.”
She spent a month in hospital and is still on sick leave, recovering at her parents’ home.
Her husband is still awaiting trial on a charge of attempted murder.
Her Women’s Day message is simple: don’t wait too long before you get out of a toxic relationship.
She says too many women hide the physical and emotional scars of abuse, suppressing fear, pain and isolation behind the curtain of a “normal” life. But she warns that their silence could cost them their lives.
“There is a serious social issue plaguing our country, one that continues to ruin the lives of women and children. The issue is violence against women, be it sexual, physical, or psychological. It is an epidemic that needs to end.”
Her scars would always be a reminder of what had happened, but she adds that, as a Muslim, she has already forgiven her husband.
*She was 12 years old when convicted rapist and kidnapper Johannes Mowers entered her home on a farm in the Hemel-en-Aarde valley near Hermanus, and abducted her at gunpoint.
It was the beginning of an 18-month ordeal for the now 21-year-old, during which Mowers held her as his sex slave, his personal punching bag, and “mother” to his then four-year-old daughter.
“I remember everything… He raped and beat me all the time,” the soft-spoken young woman said.
“I was like a dartboard. He’d throw knives at me, and when I ducked he’d tell me not to blame him if I got hit. I thought about running away, but his daughter held me back. She was small, I just couldn’t leave her there.”
The two girls were held together in an underground dugout which was only about 2m by 3m wide.
She believed she would die there, although she also never gave up hope that she would be rescued.
“I always listened to what he said. I did what he asked and I tried to be good. That’s what kept me alive.”
The notorious fugitive’s reign of terror in the Hemel-en-Aarde Valley came to an end in March 2007, when police arrested him with the assistance of the local community. He had managed to elude the authorities since his escape from the Caledon court in November 2003, committing a spate of crimes including rape, attempted murder and housebreaking.
She is now looking to the future and “putting the past behind me”.
She is studying at a college in Hermanus and wants to become a teacher and caregiver to young children.
Her advice to others who find themselves victims of violent crime is to “do whatever it takes to stay alive”.
“You’re special and your life is worth something.”
No matter what others may think or say, all women and children are important, she said.
Weekend Argus