Durban - The widow of the policeman found dead with his Down syndrome son in a possible murder-suicide on the South Coast is struggling to come to grips with the tragedy.
Pamela Govender, 37, has described her husband, Warrant Officer Rejay Thawnarian, 48, as the “kindest person ever” and told how he loved his son, Kriaman.
He had always refused to have the teen, who wore nappies and could not walk, put in a care home.
In an interview with the Daily News on Monday Govender spoke of her deep despair.
She said Thawnarian had seemed fine before he had left their eMkhomazi home for work on Wednesday.
“His last words were. I love you and see you later,” Govender recalled.
Govender has told of her horror at discovering the bodies of Thawnarian and Kriaman at Widenham Beach near her husband’s car last Thursday.
Nineteen-year-old Kriaman was on her husband’s lap.
“He was the kindest person ever. He could never say no to anyone. He put everyone’s happiness before his, and that was his downfall,” Govender said.
The primary school teacher said what made it more painful was that on the day she last saw Thawnarian, there had been no signs to suggest he was suicidal. “Everything was normal. We said our normal goodbyes and he said he loved me,” she said.
But when he failed to return home at midnight, as normal, from King Shaka International Airport where he was based, she feared something might be wrong.
Govender, who had been with Thawnarian for four years and been married to him for two, said she contacted his colleagues who alerted police on the South Coast to be on the lookout for him.
She said the police found out that Thawnarian had been at his ex-wife’s home and had left at about 8pm after picking up their son.
After calling Thawnarian’s brother Ajay, also a policeman, at about 1.15am to tell him Govender was missing, she started looking for him.
She said she had been on her way to her sister-in-law, Maggie Thawnarian’s home, near Widenham Beach, when she saw her husband’s car.
“One could see the car from the road, he had a powder blue shirt on.
“I was praying that he was sleeping. When I came closer, I touched his face and realised that he was no more.”
She said she called her brother, her father and her sister-in-law, Maggie. “Maggie arrived first since she was the closest.”
Scene
She said her husband had been sitting outside the car and had laid a blanket on the ground with his son lying on his lap.
Govender said Thawnarian had left four notes, she said, but could not say what the contents were because they had been taken by the police for investigation.
Maggie, 43, sitting next to Govender comforting her yesterday, recalled what happened next. “She (Govender) called me and said, ‘He is gone, he is gone’.”
She rushed to the scene. “When I saw the bodies it was like a dream. I thought he was going to wake up and act as if nothing had happened. I did not believe this was real. I checked their pulses and they were ice-cold.”
She said police were called and they arrived at about 4.30am. They left at 10.30am after completing their investigation and the bodies were removed from the scene.
She said it was possible her husband decided to take his son with him because he did not want him to be a burden on anyone as he loved him dearly.
Govender said her husband loved her own two children as if they were his own and it was especially hard for them because of the festive season.
Maggie said she had known Thawnarian for almost 30 years and married into his family. “I married his brother, and what made us click was that he was a Manchester United fan,” said Maggie, adding that her brother in-law was an avid sports fan.
She said Thawnarian, had to take care of the family when his father had died and was always responsible for the well-being of the family and had to resolve disputes in his family when they arose.
“He never took sides when problems came even if it was his brother he never took sides. he was a fair man.”
In trying to make sense of their deaths Govender said she was undergoing mixed emotions.
“One moment I feel angry, and the next I feel sad. We are trying to take things hour by hour, day by day.”
Govender started crying: “I wish he was here and I wish he could have told me. If someone is going through a problem you have to speak up. Don’t bottle up your problems.”
Daily News