A treasury instruction to public servants to tighten their belts has had a dramatic effect on their most private moments: toilet paper costs have been slashed in half, wiping R60 million off the bill.
It is not clear how these remarkable savings have been achieved in the bloated public service, although Finance Minister Nhlanhla Nene did report a reduction of 10 000 in the staff headcount when he delivered his medium term budget policy statement last month.
It is unlikely, however, that 10 000 individuals out of 913 000 would account for a R60m squeeze in toilet paper costs, even if they were among the more regular visitors to the bathroom.
A more likely candidate could be other elements of Nene’s cost-cutting measures, notably a clampdown on catering expenses.
It would make sense for a sharp reduction in inputs - such as the lavish spreads that used to accompany government functions - to have resulted in a commensurate reduction in outputs.
Even in Parliament, pastries and cream cheese sandwiches have noticeably given way to leaner snacks like fruit and nuts, although these contain more roughage.
The serving of alcohol at government functions - a known factor in the frequency of certain urges - has also fallen victim to the minister’s dry temperament.
So it is possible that Nene’s efforts to contain fiscal incontinence have had an effect on the other variety.
The information is contained in a written reply from Nene to a parliamentary question from the DA’s Malcolm Figg, who clearly gives one when it comes to the public purse.
He asked for “(a) the total amounts and (b) breakdown of such amounts spent (i) by each specified department and (ii) on each specified service provider in respect of the transversal supply and delivery of toilet paper” and other sanitary items, including paper towels, baby and adult diapers and “inconvenience pads” since 2010.
Nene was typically economical in his reply.
The total spent on these items since 2010 was R179.7m, he said - R120m of it between that year and 2012 and the remainder, R59.6m, between 2013 and this year.
He may have been flushed with the success of his austerity measures, but breaking it down by department would be pushing it, Nene said.
Some departments had comprehensive cleaning contracts that included the supply of toilet paper, he explained.
A final possible explanation for the sudden clenching of the toiletry budget may be that someone was ripping off the state and the leak has been plugged.
That would leave the miscreant sitting on a R60m pile of ill-gotten gains and our maligned public servants potentially short of critical supplies.
But no one can accuse Nene of being caught with his pants down.
Saturday Star