The lights went out in Lizzie Khambule’s* glowing life when her boyfriend punched her in the face.
That was two years ago. Khambule says her life was on track at the time.
She had established herself as a baker in Roodepoort, she was making money and supporting her family and child in Eshowe in KwaZulu-Natal. She saw herself growing in the baking industry.
But then came the blow - endless abuse in a year-long relationship which also left her pregnant. Today the 30-year-old is recovering from the trauma that ended in Christmas last year.
She lives at Ikhaya Lethemba, a shelter for abused women and children in Braamfontein, Joburg, and is trying to piece her life back together.
As the country observes 16 days of no violence against women and children next week, she tells the Saturday Star how she ended up knocking on the shelter’s doors in March.
Her boyfriend attacked her with a knife on Christmas and she had to flee for her life from their Diepkloof hostel room.
She was forced to live with strangers but her boyfriend found her there and started to threaten the family with whom she had taken refuge.
Khambule eventually went to the police who issued a protection order against the man and put her and her baby born in February in touch with Ikhaya Lethemba.
“It was the most humiliating day of my life. I ran out of our room in nothing but my underwear while he chased me. Everybody stood by and watched,” she says.
Eight months of living in the shelter has restored her confidence. She says she couldn’t have done it on her own.
“I’ve changed over the past few months with the help of the social workers and support structures at the shelter. They never gave up on me,” she says.
Ikhaya Lethemba, or place of hope, provides refuge for victims of domestic violence and is home to about 100 women and children.
The shelter is the largest in the country. It’s also an empowerment centre that encourages women to be entrepreneurs and use their talents.
By allowing the women to cultivate their talents, their transition, when it’s time for them to leave, is easier, says shelter manager Conny Ramathibela.
“Women use our skills facilities to find what they are good at, whether it is knitting or being a hairstylist. We have equipment where the women can practise,” Ramathibela says.
She says one of the aims of the shelter is to break the circle of violence. “We want them to be economically independent and break free from their abusers.” But, she says, getting the women back on their feet is the hard part.
“They arrive here bleeding, are physically and mentally broken, and are not in the right frame of mind,” she says.
The shelter also helps women and children to prepare their testimonies for court. Their facilities include a makeshift courtroom.
“We try to make it convenient for the women. There’s no need to go outside of the facility, and be referred from one place to another. They have it all here,” says Ramathibela.
Housemother Martha Mudawu looks drawn and drained. She explains that after 11 years of hearing the horror stories from the women, who take refuge at the centre, it can be easy to lose touch with reality.
“Sometimes the women, having nightmares about their attackers, scream from their rooms. Some even urinate on themselves when they relate their ordeals,” says Mudawu.
According to the World Health Organisation (WHO), 30 percent of women globally who have been in a relationship have experienced some form of violence at the hands of their partners. In South Africa, 40 to 70 percent of murdered women are killed by their partners.
Gender activist and researcher Lisa Vetten, from the Wits Institute for Social and Economic Research (Wiser), says it is a tragic that domestic violence is the most common form of violence women experience in South Africa yet it gets little attention.
She says the 16 days’ campaign of no violence against women and children has lost its significance as it has become event-driven instead of creating change.
“It’s a huge spectacle where lots of money is thrown at it, yet there is nothing substantial to show for it,” Vetten says.
The exact numbers around domestic violence are not known because of how the data is classified.
“The police can put it under the assault charge, attempted murder, murder, so it doesn’t get its own category,” she says.
She believes stricter monitoring of the police is needed to ensure that they do their job when it comes to helping victims of domestic violence.
Vetten gives firm advice to women. “Know your rights; you don’t need a protection order to open a case.
“Don’t be misled by criminal justice officials who may pressure you to withdraw your charges,” she adds.
Khambule says her stay at Ikhaya Lethemba has restored her hope for her future.
Still passionate about baking, she dreams of owning her own bakery one day.
Through the help of the shelter she is studying a business management course.
“I’m very proud of how far I’ve come. I’m glowing again, I’m happy and believe in myself again. I know one day my dream will come true.
“I’m glad I grabbed the opportunity they gave me with both hands,” she says.
* Not her real name.
Saturday Star