It’s called The Extraordinary Book of South African Golf, it’s written by fellow-journalist Michael Vlismas and it’s just arrived on my desk. I have had the privilege over the years of walking the fairways of this country with Michael as we reported on a game we love, and he has skilfully drawn from his years of experience to put together a fascinating collection of history, trivia, quotes, amazing scores, hilarious anecdotes and behind-the-scene tales from South African golf.
Michael remembers, for instance, when during the Dimension Data Pro-Am one year professional Graeme Francis hit his tee-shot into the crocodile-infested pit alongside the green at the Lost City Golf Club’s par-three 13th hole. As Vlismas says “these ancient ‘lizards’ spend their days sunning themselves and hoping for a quick takeaway should any golfer be foolish enough to go in there in search of his golf ball.”
Well, in a bid to save a shot Francis did exactly that and jumped in, not wasting his time on a practice swing. But his death-defying feat was not lost on the tournament’s Rules Officials who promptly disqualified him. Then there was the American tourist who also ventured into the pit, and said to the local pro “those big crocs sure look life-like”. He went pale when told they were real.
On the subject of wildlife, Vlismas explains why well-known Sunshine Tour professional Chris Williams, not the most patient of individuals, is called “Wild Dog”. This was because he once recklessly chased a pack of wild dogs who were holding up play in the Phalaborwa Classic at Hans Merensky CC which borders the Kruger Park. At iconic Leopard Creek, also next to the Park, there’s an enormous resident python on the bushveld estate that loves to stretch itself out across the width of the roads, earning it the nickname Speedbump.
Pro-ams, meanwhile, yield some weird and wonderful prizes. André Cruse said he once won a ladder, while in the one-horse town of Kriel in Mpumalanga – at a pro-am called the Chicago Fried Chicken Masters – a bull was put up as a prize for a hole-in-one. “Every one of the pros,” Cruse said, “was frighthened to death of acing the hole because nobody knew how the hell to get the bull home.”
Bradford Vaughan recalls how he once won three toasters at three consecutive pro-am days, and – at a tournament in Helsinki – a 12-pack of condoms, including a list of the local night clubs. “I knew then it was going to be a good week,” he said.
I like Vlismas’ little anecdote entitled “Madder than a Mazda” in which Thabang Simon describes a round over The Links at Fancourt. Of his last three holes (par-5, par-3, a par-5) he said: “I finished like a Mazda – 6, 2, 6.”
These are just a few among literally hundreds of little stories Michael Vlismas has brought to life. It’s a splendid read from a gifted writer whose love affair with the game started as a laaitie when he found a golf ball and promptly hit it through his parents’ living room window. Stick to writing, Mike. – Saturday Star