I have not said anything about the tragic killing of the teenager Montreal ‘Monty’ King from Newlands East. And no one has asked me, so I feel no external obligation to say anything. But I do feel an internal obligation and I do have something to say.
I’ve been silent because I felt his family needed time to mourn his passing and bury him without too much analysis of why coloured people in South Africa and Durban find themselves in a never-ending cycle of killing each other.
You may know me for No Swearing, so mind my language in this piece as I attempt to drive home some ideas.
I found a lot, not all, of the reporting and comments on Monty’s murder in the media irresponsible. Some simply reduced it to a community versus community matter. Others played up the “youth need help” angle and one or two even blamed the ANC.
What I found even more troubling was that some members of these communities were hoodwinked into buying into this media concoction that turf war is the root of the problem.
That’s not to say that it wasn’t a factor, but I want to separate fiction from reality and get to the fundamentals of why we are burying our teenagers.
When trying to analyse and understand the factors that have led to the death of Monty King and countless other young people, there’s a bigger concern for me than “district politics”.
If anything, district politics is symptomatic of this deeper problem in our communities.
I call it Coloured Bravado!
It manifests itself at the lowest and highest levels of coloured life. I’ve seen it on the school playground and in boardrooms. It’s the feeling “because we’re coloured we must never back down from a fight”.
“I’m coloured and I don't take s***!”
“I’m not a sny! Don’t vat me! You don’t know me! I’ll make you swak! You don’t see me! You don’t fundela my chups! Bruinous are the mainous! Don’t f*** with me, I’m coloured! I will steek you! With line! I’m going to make you rak vol!”
It played itself out in front of thousands of people at the biggest outdoor event in Durban, East Coast Radio’s Durban Day this month.
For Indian, white and black people living in KZN it was a disturbing window into a reality of Durban’s coloured community.
Many people are still traumatised by what they saw – even many coloured people who’d forgotten what Coloured Bravado looks like at its worst.
“Be tough or get f***** up! In public!”
Having lived in Newlands East for 26 years, I know first hand that growing up in the coloured community can be a harrowing experience. A fearful existence, particularly for soft-natured people like myself, and maybe even more so for those on the frontline of Coloured Bravado.
It’s a knife edge.
Say the wrong thing, look at someone the wrong way, step on someone’s shoe and it could be curtains for you.
From my own experience, I can liken growing up in the coloured community to almost like what you see in prison movies, where you show your strength, choose your side or become someone’s b****!
This is a generalisation and there are exceptions, but it’s the general community I’m trying to address here.
Coloured boys and even girls feel the need to be tough. As a result many of us interact with each other in an aggressive, abrasive, short-tempered way. We have become ticking time bombs at home, school and the workplace.
This would have been an unfair description of my community for me to accept 15 years ago. But after travelling the world, I now feel it’s not.
I wasn’t even aware of our aggressive nature until I took my first trip overseas to England 15 years ago. I couldn’t believe the polite nature of the people, so much so that I mistook it for weakness.
Because after all, Coloured Bravado has most people in Durban treating coloured people with a sort of fearful respect because of the reputation.
This submissive demeanour which many adopt when interacting with coloured people will only be magnified after Durban Day.
But I don’t want to just blast Coloured Bravado without exploring why it exists.
The coloured community here behaves similarly to many minority communities around the world. Low education and literacy levels, forced removals and relocations, congested living conditions, drugs, poverty and starvation are key factors. Having no vested interest in society and not being highly regarded by other races has forced us to find another way to earn respect.
And it’s come at a high cost. Young lives. Coloured Bravado is an expression of our uncertainty and anxiety about ourselves.
So what’s the solution?
The coloured community needs a new identity in South Africa, and importantly within its own community.
It starts with each and every parent.
Do your children say things like “my mother don’t take s***” when they are in trouble at school?
Have we shown our children that we will sort out our problems with violence?
Do we applaud people when they tell someone off? Do we glory in how “I put him in his place”? Do we tell our children, “don’t be a coward, don’t carry tales, hit her”? Do we tell our children to “fight if someone interferes with you”? I know I have; my son is only 6.
What sort of generation do we expect to raise if we show them that you respond to oppression with aggression?
Twelve years from now,will I be the one burying my son who was killed at Durban Day because I taught him that you stand up and hit back?
Let’s turn the tide before we all drown in our own tears.
Goldstone is a Durban-based comedian and journalist.