LARA DE MATOS
TONIGHT EDITOR
A NUMBER of weeks have passed since this writer has put fingertips to keyboard and undertaken the usual diatribe on the world of celebrities and the silly things they do. And yet, who should we (still) find topping the list? Here’s a clue: her first and last names begin with a “K”, as do those of all her immediate family.
Enough with any pretence at soft-shoeing, the simple fact of the matter is Kim Kardashian is a moron. Pretty (in that plastic mannequin kinda way); savvy (hey, she must be to have convinced a global population that anything she does merits attention), and rich. But nevertheless, a moron.
Case in point: during a screening of her trash TV show earlier this week, the 33-year-old declared her intention to “totally” raise a Thai waif as her own, following a visit to an orphanage in Thailand earlier this year. Or, more accurately, in her words:
“This girl is so sweet and so cute, I would like totally adopt her.” Until you tired of her and like totally moved on to the next in the latest line of accessories, right Kimmy?
Perhaps this is all part of a broader plan for Kim and baby daddy Kanye West to reposition themselves as the new Brangelina, particularly in light of the fact Mr “I have a chip the size of the Grand Canyon on my shoulder’s” attempts to dethrone Jayoncé (aka Jay Z and Beyonce) as Celebville’s numero uno power couple have fallen flat. Which would also explain their Angelina-imitating random trip to Haiti.
Of course, an actual love of, genuine concern for and interest in children is always a plus when planning to build your own United Nations family – a notion completely lost on Kimye, whose rearing of their own daughter thus far centres on the amount of designer outfits she dons in a day and forcing Nori (or, as some have taken to dubbing her, Ignori) to play nice for yet another contrived photo-op, before fobbing her off on a football team of nannies, while Kim posts more Instagram pictures of her (undoubtedly surgically modified) butt and Kanye goes off on yet another “is it ‘cause I is black?” tirade.
As for the dimwitted lot who insist that Miss K’s declaration was sincere and not simply another in a long list of shameless and brainless PR stunts, it’s worth noting her follow-up statement on said show, which was “I’d love to give (the kids) like… proper clothes. I’m looking into it a little bit.” Quote, unquote.
Still not convinced? Consider the final flourish to her charitable visit (cough, cough, splutter), which saw Kim dramatically turn to camera, Scarlett O’Hara style, with a sniffling “I’ll always remember her…”
At which point, as one blogger put it, you can virtually hear the director shouting: “Cut! Print!”