Cape Town - “Even though he was abusive, I needed him and I didn't want him to leave.”
That’s according to Rose*, a 33-year-old resident of the Saartjie Baartman Centre for Women and Children in Manenberg.
Her boyfriend, with whom she has a daughter, started abusing her physically, verbally and emotionally after she became disabled.
In September 2014, Rose was pushed out of a train at Cape Town station after travelling from Joburg. “The train was so late. People were so angry and frustrated that they started pushing when we reached Cape Town.
“They pushed me. My legs went between the platform and the train and my back went back into the train.”
Rose was freed and taken to Somerset Hospital for treatment.
“I was walking after that. I had a limp and I had pain but I could walk.”
After numerous consultations and a MRI scan, Rose was advised by a Groote Schuur Hospital doctor that she needed an operation to remove a clot (or tumour) which was close to her spine and causing her pain.
Video: Tracey Adams/African News Agency (ANA)
“I put my trust in them, thinking that after the operation I would be better, but I was left disabled.”
Rose was left with a T12 spinal cord injury and was categorised as a paraplegic. She received counselling at the Lentegeur rehabilitation centre
to help her come to terms with her disability.
She returned to her home in Mbekweni, near Paarl, where she stayed with her boyfriend and daughter in the backyard of her grandmother’s house.
“The first two days he was fine but on the third day he changed. He came home drunk. He said to me: ‘You are smelling'.”
The verbal abuse escalated, and the man would lock Rose in the house when he went to the shebeen to drink.
Rose, then still recovering, was left lying in bed without access to a toilet or food.
Her grandmother offered to fetch the boyfriend at the shebeen but returned in tears, saying that he had beaten her.
“At around 12am he came home. I thought he can’t do anything to me because he can see that I am in pain from the operation.
“But after I asked him why he hit my grandmother, he started hitting me until I fell off the bed.”
Rose laid an assault charge against the boyfriend at Paarl police station. Three days later he returned, but her grandmother refused to allow him back onto the premises.
“I didn’t want him to leave. I was depending on him. He was everything to me and I don’t have many relatives, and he was the father of my child,” she said.
Instead of leaving her boyfriend, Rose went with him and their child to Dunoon in Cape Town.
Rose was beaten again, and she reached out to her brother in Joburg, who offered to take her in, but her boyfriend convinced her to move to Joburg with him instead. The cycle of abuse continued, and escalated to the point where he assaulted their child and beat her on her head.
Rose was admitted to Helen Joseph Hospital in Joburg, where a doctor informed her that she had suffered permanent hearing loss as a result of the beating.
“The social workers at the hospital told me that this was abuse. I didn’t know it was abuse.”
With the help of the social workers at the hospital, Rose opted to admit herself to the Saartjie Baartman Centre, a place of safety in Cape Town, in March this year.
Rose received counselling and embarked on a journey of self-discovery and healing.
“I thought I was nothing, useless; I thought that just because I was in a wheelchair, I don’t deserve anything good, but it was a lie.”
During her stay at the centre, Rose discovered her love for the javelin and discus. She trains regularly and is now a member of a local sports club.
Rose and her daughter have reached the end of their stay at the centre. However, she does not have a bed, furniture or a permanent place to stay. They will be staying with a friend until she finds permanent accommodation.
“It is hard to find a place which is wheelchair-friendly, and even though I have my beadwork, that and the disability grant are not enough to rent a place.
“I wish that one day, God is going to provide for me and to see my beadwork grow.
"I am so empowered now and I know I can make it out there without him (her boyfriend)."
* Name has been changed to protect her identity.