by David Biggs
The timing was perfect. I had just polished a couple of silver candlesticks and fitted our brightly-coloured festive candles in preparation for Christmas when there was a faint “pop” and all the electricity in the South Peninsula failed.
I imagined my neighbours all around the bay fumbling for their matches and lighting their newly-installed candles. Eskom allowed us about half an hour to make sure all the candles worked, then the electricity came back on. I bet not many municipalities around the world are as supportive of their citizens’ Christmas illuminations.
While on the subject of candles, has anybody else noticed that candlesticks are never made the same size as candles? Before you push that candle into the little cup, you need to find a knife and pare down the candle bottom until it’s the same diameter as the hole. I would have thought there’d be some degree of standardisation.
Don’t the candlestick makers visit candle factories occasionally and see what size candles they’re producing?
Just think what a selling-point it could be: “Amazing candle-sized candlesticks! No cutting, no melting. Use Instant candles straight from the packet.”
Maybe the cutting of candles is an essential part of the Christmas ritual, like the untangling of the Christmas tree lights.
I think it was kind of the Eskom people to take the trouble to remind us backward folk in this remote little corner of Africa that tradition is an important part of life.
Now we’ve carved the festive candles, fitted then and tested them, we’re ready. Roll out Christmas. The South is ready.
And I wish our readers a happy, peaceful and safe Christmas.
Last Laugh:
An aggressive lawyer was cross-examining the doctor who had performed the post-mortem examination on the murder victim.
“Before you signed the death certificate, did you take the man’s pulse?”
“No sir, I did not.”
“Did you check his blood pressure?”
“No, I didn’t.”
“Did you listen for a heartbeat.”
“No I did not.”
“So for all you know, he may not even have been dead when you signed the certificate.”
“Well, his brain was lying in a jar on my desk, but I suppose he could still have been alive and practising as a lawyer somewhere.”
* "Tavern of the Seas" is a daily column written in the Cape Argus by David Biggs. Biggs can be contacted at [email protected]
** The views expressed here are not necessarily those of Independent Media.