CAPE TOWN - Thrust into a life of violence and drug abuse, gender-based violence survivor Toegieda Davids now wears her scars from an abusive marriage as armour and uses her life story to spread hope and awareness.
In an interview with the Cape Times, the 45-year-old mother of four, now living in Manenberg, said her abuse began shortly after she married her now ex-husband, who had forced her into a life of drug abuse while working at their family business.
“His family owns a deli business, and I started working there, but I never saw my money. They would give my wages to him, and he would buy drugs with the money, and soon, I was also using.
“We smoked tik and mandrax together, and that was how they basically started paying me by giving me drugs,” said Davids.
Davids and her ex-husband lived in a separate entrance on his family’s property, where the abuse continued against her and her children – three boys and a girl.
“Everything was perfect for about the first five years of my marriage to him. But that all changed the day I told him I was pregnant with our first-born. That’s the day he put his foot in my face, and the cycle of abuse never stopped for the rest of our 13 years of marriage.
His family abused me as well.
“With all four of my pregnancies, I was told to report to work again that same day, just hours after giving birth.
I tried to get away many times and had reported him to the police, but nothing ever came of it. He found me once under a bridge when I had run away,” Davids recalled.
Intent on making a change for herself and to remove her children – aged between six and 11 now – from the violent and abusive environment they grew up in and also suffered, Davids said she confided in a neighbour who told her of the Saartjie Baartman Centre.
The concerned neighbour gave her taxi fare, and she fled with only their birth certificates and her ID.
“It was a Monday morning. I will never forget it. I arrived at the centre’s doors, my children still dirty and messy, and I was told the centre is full. I said there is no way I can go back home and that I would rather kill myself, but thankfully, they could assist me. I have never looked back since.
“This place has surely changed my life for the better. I lived at the centre for four months and was given the second stage of six months residence after it was established that it was still unsafe for me.
“I now live in a wendy house with my children, and we live a happy life,” said Davids.
After graduating from a number of courses offered at the centre, Davids now earns an income being a house-keeper for the centre while three of her children receive grants.
Two months ago, she could divorce her husband through Islamic customs.
“He did not want to give my talaq because he still wanted to have a hold over me, but eventually, he did. He said I should pay him for the talaq, and I did. I had no other choice, or else he would never give it to me,” said Davids.
Through the help of family counselling, healthier and loving bonds now exist with her children, who are all in school.
“We can laugh and sing together, and we all attend Madrassah together now as well. I am just very proud of my children and myself that we made it through traumatic circumstances and can still share love. I am so grateful for this centre and what they do for vulnerable and abused women and children. I want women to know that there are centres like this where help is available.
“When I see new women come through these doors, it makes me happy just knowing that they will get the help and support they need for their journey to recovery.
“We are all like sisters here. I built my new life in this centre,” said Davids. The centre can be reached at 021 633 5287 and the centre director, Bernadine Bachar can be contacted on 083 307 1110 or visit saartjiebaart mancentre.org.za
Cape Times