I told myself that I won't put emotions into a TV show anymore, especially how this particular season of Game of Thrones has panned out. However, I've realised I can't help it.
So many of us who are fans of the show have been disappointed with this season, mainly because of how the writers, lead by show creators, David Benoif and Dan Weiss, have rushed the story and so many characters have been destroyed in the process.
Last week I wrote: "When the show started taking longer than usual to shoot episodes, fans assumed they were adding more attention to detail, more nuance to the story, getting George R.R Martin to share details on the characters and their journey. I hoped they were finding an end that would make sense and be true to the story they have been telling on our TV screens since 2011."
We have been on a journey with these characters. We feel like we know them really well. However this season, it feels like we are watching strangers.
My favourite thing about Game of Thrones, was the development of the characters, something I believe the writers took very seriously.
We emphathised with Jaime Lannister in the third season, baring all to Lady Brienne in Harrenhal and telling her the real reason he killed King Aerys;
We fell in love with the gutsy Arya Stark, who, on her revenge mission, still didn't lose her likeability. We wanted her to win;
We finally understood why The Hound was such a jerk and realised that he was just a victim of circumstance- he was really a good guy;
We felt for Jon Snow, being he unwanted kid in the family, who was always told to remember his place. We rooted for him all the time;
We had Tyrion Lannister as our favourite character on the show, someone who knew he had to work extra hard to be noticed;
We loved Daenerys Targaryen and wanted her to succeed as she tried to make her way back to Westeros, to claim what is hers- the iron throne;
We pitied Sansa Stark for all she had to go through- from being abused and used as a pawn, and were ecstatic when she finally became a power player;
We admired (begrudgingly so) Cersei Lannister for being a bad a** who made sure she destroyed all those who tried to destroy her, first.
You get it. I could go on and list more characters and why we loved them and why we are so upset that they have been altered so much.
Sunday's episode left me feeling very depleted. I didn't recognise the show that I loved to watch and discuss with my friends. It has become another spectacle with characters whose journey and development on the show has just been altered.
As fans, we feel like they somehow lost sense of who these characters were this season. They made decisions that betrayed the people we had a connection with.
Daenerys losing it and deciding to burn it all, was exciting to watch because it showed off how powerful the dragons were. But there wasn't enough that happened that pushed Daenerys to be OK with killing innocent people. That has never been her brand. It was inexcusable and of course the writers wanted us to start hating her because she was showing signs of being a tyrant.
And maybe that's why fans are giving the creators such a rough time. It's not about the episode being too dark for us to watch; the many continuity issues we have seen, especially with Daenerys and her wigs; or the coffee cup that was left on the table in Winterfell.
It's about the character development that has been basically thrown out the window. It's about the rushed storylines that have messed up these characters. It's about the creators doing things for the sake of it.
As a fan of Game of Thrones, I feel betrayed.