If you ever asked me if I would meet Gordon Ramsay some day, I would probably have laughed at you.
And if you told I would meet him and would feel like I was in imminent danger, then I would have told you to stop dreaming.
And yet that’s what happened in December last year.
I met Ramsay and there were moments when I felt like I was going to be harmed.
Let me first take you back to the day before we met
We are in the KZN Midlands, hurtling down a steep road in a Toyota Land Cruiser on our way to Duma Manzi Eco Lodge and Spa.
There’s an uncomfortable silence in the vehicle as we are tossed side to side, at times finding ourselves in midair as we make our way to the secluded spa resort we are staying at before our interview with Gordon.
I make light conversation with the driver, who is also very much a conservationist, and he explains the terrain we’re in.
After what seems like hours, the uMkhomazi River comes into sight. Duiker and zebra are dotted about and soon we are in calm territory, all of us relieved to be, well, alive.
What follows is a peaceful evening, helped by the fact that there’s no network connectivity, which allows me to get a proper night’s sleep.
The next day, we make our way to Gwahumbe Game Lodge and Spa in Mid Illovo for our chat with the chef.
We finally arrive and once again find ourselves in a game-drive vehicle, driving past the many wild herbivores the reserve boasts.
We are headed down a secluded part of the reserve and after waiting for the production team to let us drive to the set, we are cleared.
Strict instructions are issued as we watch Zola Nene expertly guide Gordon around making ujeqe (steamed bread).
The first thing I notice is the easy rapport between them. It looks like they have been working together for a long time.
But there’s also the unfamiliar - Gordon learning how to cook a dish from someone else and seeing how earnest he is about getting it right.
“He’s a renowned chef and cooks really well, but he understands that it was a learning opportunity for him and he doesn’t necessarily know everything about our cuisine and our way of cooking,” Zola told me when they were done shooting the episode.
“He was very attentive and even when he wanted to add his own flavour, I could still remind him that people here like their food a certain way.
“I still appreciated his way and excitement in trying to learn more about our food. He respects the insight we gave him into our culture.”
But before all that, there’s danger number two. The production team are more alert than I would expect them to be.
There’s a production assistant bustling about, making sure Gordon and Zola have all the utensils they need to cook the dishes they’ve planned.
But there’s also danger lurking less than 100m from Gordon and Zola.
There’s a marshy green swamp and inside there’s a hippo - and he’s not happy about being disturbed. Soon we hear the noises of his displeasure, echoing in the valley.
And yet even with the will-he-won’t-he energy on set, Zola seems relaxed, while Gordon hopes that no one gets hurt.
He’s even contemplating cancelling parts of the episode because of the danger lurking nearby.
But we could have told him that it was too hot for the hippo to leave the water and that they are mostly nocturnal.
Shooting resumes when everyone is comfortable and they get on with making the braaied meat, fish, chakalaka, pap and ushatini (a fresh tomato salsa) they will be serving.
Who are they serving it to?
Why, it’s the chief of the area. And he comes with a security contingent so heavily armed, you would swear we are at the UN.
An uncomfortable silence fills the set as the chief and his family take their seats and are about to be served by Gordon and Zola.
It’s a moment that catches Gordon by surprise, and we laugh about it later.
“When I saw those AK47s, it took me back to Afghanistan when I cooked Christmas lunch for the marines and I was like: ‘What the f***?” he said.
“The feistiness of Zola is one thing, the hippo about to pounce on us and now these guards coming down with AK47s? Yeah, trust me, I got my s*** together.”
In Uncharted, Gordon travels to some of the most secluded and rarely documented areas across the world, where he immerses himself in the culture for a week, learning more about the people in each of the countries.
The show looks at the traditions, interesting historical facts and tourist attractions. And, of course, it delves into the food that makes each location interesting.
Answering my question on what he knew about Zulu cuisine beforehand, he says he walked in not knowing much about our food.
“I don’t like to do too much homework. I like the discovery. You get to a certain level as a chef and you think you don’t need to learn anymore, but I am the opposite. I get to that level and want to rip up the book and start again.
“The shock at the beginning was the lack of enhancement of the bass that we caught in the lake. When Zola and I were cooking it, I just didn’t understand why it was just tomato, onions and a touch of chilli to enhance the flavour.”
The markets, Gordon says, is where the DNA of KZN is. He thought the herbal markets in Warwick Junction look a bit like a graveyard.
“There were bones everywhere. It was amazing for me and once again getting back to the source (of the culture). I love that. I want to be a student. I have a staff of 2500 (probably fewer than that these days, thanks to Covid-19 staff who were furloughed) and I have my team who I work closely with; very rarely do I get the chance to be a student.”
Uncharted, he says, is where he gets his butt kicked, where he forgets about the Michelin stars and the restaurant guides. And this season they are heightening the stakes.
“It’s all about learning. The first season gave me a chance to get away, switch off and be dropped in the middle of nowhere.
“Everywhere we go I want to get to the beginning. I think the foundation of South African cuisine is the Zulu tribe.
“Hunting is important here and that level of survival is crucial. That Zulu backdrop was the perfect setting. If you ask anyone one in the UK or US about Zulu cuisine, they wouldn’t have an idea what you meant.
“It’s about highlighting what the country stands for and showing its food.
“Uncharted is about unearthing rituals and getting back to where it started. That’s the important part.”
He fell in love with South Africa when he first came here in 2003. His brother-in-law is from Joburg.
“And now South African food is on the map and it’s got that heritage. I was very careful that we didn’t overindulge with the Indian influences. It’s amazing how these humble cultures cross paths, and yet I couldn’t influence that Zulu style of cooking.
“It was interesting in the lodge, watching the girls cook for the past five days and when they cooked oxtail there was no fancy marinade, searing, beef stock; no stripping the meat off and sticking it into ravioli.
“No. It’s sat in the pot, cooled down and then back on the stove the next day and cooked for another 12 hours.
“This thing is like butter and gets richer and richer, and the vegetables are put in and help thicken the sauce. It’s amazing.”
Asked which restaurants he went to, he says he tried to go to the famous 9th Avenue Waterside, but there was a private function, so he couldn’t dine there.
“I ended up taking a bike ride on the beach.” Rumour has it he popped in for a bite at Surf Riders Café on the Durban beachfront promenade.
Going to KwaNyuswa, a township in the Valley of a Thousand Hills, he was surprised at how easily accessible every cut of meat was in the butchery.
“From every level of kidney, liver, tongue, intestine... We’ve become too superficial in the UK. Everything is diced and wrapped. You don’t see offal, you don’t see liver, you don’t see the heart and intestine.
“To note that there was no waste, even the hide, that’s quite unique and you need to hold on to that culture.”
Gordon enjoyed the chakalaka. It reminded him of a meal his family had all the time - beans on toast.
“It was our average go-to dinner Friday nights at our house. We didn’t have starters and dessert was a treat.
“We grew up in a council house and we were excited when we ate baked beans.
“We never upset mum by saying no to anything (she had cooked), you respectfully eat it.
“And then as you get into the business, you start putting shallots, chilli, cheddar cheese on top and fried egg, and it’s suddenly baked beans on toast elevated.”
When Nene started making it, he was very attentive.
“Beans, sugar, garlic, ginger, herbs, spices, chilli... These beans were just getting more delicious.”
He says he will probably make the dish for his family.
“Spicy baked beans? The kids will love it.”
“Gordon Ramsay: Uncharted” season 2 will premiere on National Geographic on Wednesday at 9pm.