Watching this week’s instalment of Survivor, I found myself wondering if I had accidentally tuned into one of my son’s kiddies programmes instead:

Between Zan’s ongoing tantrums (good riddance to bad juju), Buhle blabbing off at the mouth because of her own baseless assumptions regarding (a now unfairly precar-iously placed) Sonnette, and Miss Mistaking-the-Childish-Antics-of-Hiding-Away-Someone’s-Clothing-For-Clever-Game-Play Marion, the boys and girls were in serious back to school mode. Ag toggie.



“My stomach is empty, my throat is dry, I’ve been betrayed…”

Oohhh, the melodrama! Okay, so Shona (tried) to double-cross you. She failed. And she paid the ultimate price for it. That’s Survivor. It’s what you signed up for. Besides, the fact that your stomach is empty and your throat is dry probably has more to do with you not having eaten properly in days. Get it together old chap!




Shona, I hate to kick a gal when she’s down. But opting for teeny weeny – not particularly flattering – bikini bottoms while undertaking tasks? I see one of those gossip mag “what were you thinking-slash-circle-of-shame” features in your future…



“I’m having the time of my life. I’m pretty much controlling everything, so…”

Except, it seems, your obvious tendency toward delusion, Marion!



“He’s the child of the tribe. We have to babysit him… And to then turn around and do this? I hope when he touches down at Joburg international he tells everyone there he quit, that ‘I’m a quitter’, because that would be the honourable thing to do.”

Well, we can’t disagree with you there, Solly. Though, you’re not exactly in line for any Mr Congeniality awards yourself, so methinks your pot is hardly in a position to be calling Zan’s kettle black.



He’s already mentioned the fact that he sees himself in more of a guiding, rather than leadership role. And given the distinct edge that’s crept into the atmosphere in both camps, Corne has added to his growing hey-shoo-whaa portfolio by appointing himself as the person “who has to calm everyone down”. Guess that’s what the beach yoga is about then. How very New Age of you Kriggie.




“I really don’t want Buhle to go. She’s very strong… Zan’s explained himself, there’s really no need to go on about it, so we need to move forward now for the sake of the team.” And just like that, Fly Fish is back! #smiley face.




Dear Zavion: we love the fact that you’re built like Hercules, but have the heart of an angel (well, as much as one can in the duplicitous game of Survivor). Only you would think to take a collapsed palm tree and use it to build a “lounge area” for your whole tribe to relax in. Can we order one of you for home, please?

• Survivor SA: Champions, Sunday on M-Net at 5.30pm.