Lara de Matos

Perhaps it’s because the end is in sight and those who remain are gatvol – with the game, each other, island life, coconuts and rice – that there’s a distinct sense of restlessness among the players.

Truth be told, it makes watching the show something of a dull déjà vu experience.

Here’s a hint, Shane et al: The whole “blindside of epic proportions” thing? It’s been done. To death.

Move on already!


“Outwit, outlast, outplay – even if it means you can out-pray, I’ll do it!”

Yes, dear Dave, we believe you’ve pretty much proved you’d sell your soul to secure the million.


Ah, Altaaf. One does wonder just how someone who says, “I’m hoping rainbows and daisies will get me to the end”, could have made it beyond the beach landing in this dog-eat-dog game.

Now all you need is a little sugar and spice and all things nice and you’ll be off on your unicorn, riding into the Survivor sunset singing: “The hills are alive with the sound of music… A-ah-aah-aah.”


The clothes have pretty much come off (probably because they’re taking on a distinct odour after so many days of sea wash ’n’ wear), so everyone’s just letting it all hang out. Not that we’re complaining about the wealth of eye candy on display. #Grin.


Buhle, Buhle, Buhle. You’re meant to be one of the stand-up players, those cut from the “I’m not willing to comprise my morals” cloth. But little did your gal pal know that she, too, was lying in the arms of her betrayer (thanks, Dave)... Cosying up to Vel by day, and scribbling her name down at tribal council by night? And you thought we wouldn’t notice. Sies tog!


Before the merge, the Utara team would have taken the title of Most Unscrupulous. But suddenly ex-Selatan members are getting down and dirty – or, to quote Corne, “saying stuff that, we’re playing hard and you can say sorry later”. And you were worried you’d “brought up a soft tribe”, Krigetjie?


Precisely just what your job description has entailed since you officially retired from soccer remains something of a mystery (and no, “he who appears on the cover of many a gossip rag” does not a credible vocation make – unless your surname is Kardashian).

But if all else fails, there’s always stand-up comedy: even Corne could barely stifle a chuckle when, having won the salvation challenge, you stated, “Unfortunately for Corne, it wasn’t a rugby ball. So although he put fear in me by staring me down, the happy guy won.”

Cue drum roll…


Okay, Zavion, you’re an incredible athlete, you’re a pro at the socio-political game and, as far as we can tell, a successful businessman to boot. But singing is not in your repertoire of skills. Not to mention – a gay boy belting out show tunes is just so dreadfully stereotypical, dahhhllling!

Survivor SA: Champions, Sunday on M-Net at 5.30pm.