Ten desperate women looking for love, rooming together boarding school style, cat fights ... just another reality show, right?
Well, yes, but with a few slight differences. This lot is not competing for the attention of one chiselled Ken-doll bachelor, and there are no elimination rounds. No, this group is putting itself in the hands of Steve Wood and taking part in his dating boot camp with the goal of shaping and moulding themselves into the perfect Stepford wife, according to his rules. This is Tough Love (Animax channel, Tuesdays at 7pm).
Wood is quite an amazing guy and quite possibly the envy of every man in the world. He claims to be the best matchmaker in the US and that no one knows single women like he does. "I know when you are lonely, clueless and needy. From the look on your face, your clothes and your body language I can tell what you're thinking," he brags in the opening credits.
Wow. This is interesting because just about every man I've ever met says he has no idea how women's minds work. At all. Well, right back atcha, but that's another story.
So here in the second season of this show, we have 10 women who all have issues of one kind or another. To make it easier for us to follow, Wood has thoughtfully given each one a label. Jenna, who used to be fat, but is now thin, is Miss Body Issues. Liz, who wants to get married more than anything in the world, is Miss Wedding Belle. Kanisha is Miss Gold Digger (no explanation necessary), and exotic dancer Angel is Miss Closed Off. Tina is Miss Career Obsessed and Rocky is Miss Off Her Rocker. She was my favourite in the first episode although all the other women loathed her on sight because she was loud, brash and dressed like a groupie who would not be out of place on Rock of Love.
The cat among the pigeons is Taylor, a remnant of season one, Miss Second Chance. Judging by her big hair, fake talons and in-your-face attitude I'm guessing she's from New Jersey.
It's a 10-week programme involving challenges disguised as lessons. Last week it was communication. The women were sent out on dates at a theme park with the objective of remembering details. To tell them this beforehand would have spoiled the fun and when quizzed afterwards, some of them couldn't even remember their guy's name. They got dunked in a tank of water as punishment. "If you are into a guy, you will pay attention to what he says," Wood says. He has a lot of rules too, some of them more obvious than others ("don't talk with your mouth full" - seriously).
Marilyn Monroe said: "I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." It's a quote that resonates with me and I'm not entirely convinced it's a good idea to reinvent yourself just so people like you. But I guess we can't all be legendary silver screen icons whose words live on, and I'm willing to acknowledge there are women who would do anything to have a boyfriend or husband rather than spend their nights alone with the TV and their cat.
My only question is: why?
IN THE WEEK
V (M-Net Action, Wednesday at 7pm): So here's another cool thing about M-Net HD - series sometimes start before their scheduled run on other channels. Castle began 10 days earlier (Mondays 6pm on HD, Wednesdays on Series at 8.30pm), and V popped up there at 6pm last Friday, but began on Action on Wednesday.
It's what they call a "re-imagining" of the 1983 mini-series which was only two episodes. This is a 12-parter with a second season on the cards (which is the problem right there; Hollywood just doesn't know when to stop most of the time), but if you can manage to separate the original and the remake in your mind, it looks like a pretty good series, based on the first episode.
If you weren't around in the 80s, the science fiction series is about the arrival on Earth of a technologically advanced alien species which ostensibly comes in peace, but actually has sinister motives.
V is for Visitors and it's not giving anything away to reveal they are really reptilians in human clothing and although it is way more fleshed out than the original there will be several tips of the hat to its predecessor. Hamster, anyone?
Trivia: Inspired by the Sinclair Lewis novel about fascism in the United States, It Can't Happen Here (1935), director/producer Kenneth Johnson wrote an adaptation titled Storm Warnings, in 1982.
The script was presented to NBC for production as a television mini-series, but the NBC executives rejected the initial version, claiming it was too "cerebral" for the average American viewer.
To make the script more marketable, the American fascists were re-cast as man-eating extraterrestrials, taking the story into the realm of science fiction. The new, re-cast story was the mini-series V which aired from May 1-2, 1983. (Wikipedia)
Cougar Town (M-Net, Wednesday at 8pm): Friends - where are they now? I suspect none of them really has to work another day in their life, but Courteney Cox follows her series Dirt (which was great but short lived) with this new sitcom about a recently divorced woman and mother of an 18-year-old son who gets back into a dating scene filled with younger men. This makes her a "cougar" - the hot older woman. In this first episode Jules (Cox) is helped by her younger co-worker who wants to show Jules how to go out there and have fun.
- So that's what's on TV. Do you want to be on TV too? Here are two chances: First, there are auditions for the second season of South Africa's Got Talent (due to begin on SABC2 on September 16 at 7.30pm), hosted by comedian Rob Van Vuuren and 5fm DJ Anele Mdoda.
Hopefully judges Shado Twala, Randall Abrahams and Ian Von Memerty will be more discerning this time around.
Bring your talent, your ID, music (CD format), instruments or props to the CTICC tomorrow and Sunday for the first round of auditions.
And on Saturday, August 21, you can head off to the River Club in Obs for open auditions for the next season of Survivor South Africa, which will be filmed in the Maldives later this year. You need to be a South African citizen over the age of 21, be a good swimmer and mentally and physically fit.
You will need your passport to register.
The audition process will start at approximately 9am, but will work on a first-come-first served basis. There will be a cut-off time for registration. See www.mnet. co.za