Lifestyle / 3 January 2012, 12:03pm / Masood Boomgaard
There are many lists of things to look forward to now that 2011 is done and dusted, but for the cynical among us, there’s a hell of a lot more to avoid in 2012…
A “new” Michael Jackson album: Whether we like it or not there’s reportedly 10 more albums worth of MJ material that has been retrieved from the late king of pop’s personal trash can.
We all got a little carried away with 2010’s Michael, perhaps because we were all still grieving a bit and wanted to cling to anything MJ, but there’s a limit to the amount of crap songs we can tolerate.
Saying Michael was a crap album is like saying hurricane Katrina was a little wet. MJ was already past his best with Invincible which was dubbed his “comeback” at the time.
I am sure the London concerts would’ve been nothing short of spectacular but I am also certain that MJ’s time as a recording artist was over. Perhaps MJ’s death saved him from the humiliation of having to do collaborations with the likes of Jason Derulo and Justin Bieber, because it was certainly heading that way.
In an ideal world those wielding control over MJ’s legacy would just let us remember him for Thriller. However, the money grabbers will no doubt publish every Michael Jackson recording they can get their hands on. And if Michael is anything to go by, what’s to come is going to be far more embarrassing for MJ than any of those Neverland bedroom stories.
The Empire Strikes Back: Don’t be surprised if the Republicans take back the White House, especially if it turns out that the American public has grown impatient with Obama’s inability to resuscitate the ailing economy he inherited. In which case Iran and North Korea will have to brace themselves for the “Bush” treatment.
The Olympics: What’s going to make the 2012 games crappier than normal is the fact that they’re going to be happening in a place that has had them before. OK, fine, I know London hosted it like a hundred years ago but it would’ve been interesting to see the games go to some remote city in outer Mongolia or the war-torn Middle East – basically any place that us Westerners feel terribly uncomfortable in.
Let’s face it, the excitement of the Olympics has been lost.
Everything has become too clinical, from the sterile manner in which stadiums are built to the way the events are broadcast.
Basically every Olympics since Munich 1972 has been exactly the same. What has happened to the unpredictability? The controversy? The shocks and surprises?
The 2012 games should have been staged in Kabul. A few explosions in the background or a herd of wild llama running onto the track during events would make for great viewing. Another problem with the Olympics is the lack of any real stars besides Usain Bolt and even when he does compete it’s a foregone conclusion. In fact the only thing stopping Usain Bolt from winning is Usain Bolt.
The Olympics also seriously needs a shake-up when it comes to events. I don’t know of anybody who watches anything besides the Men’s 100m finals. Why not introduce female mud wrestling and pole dancing as Olympic sports, then watch the ratings soar.
Bieber on the big screen: It’s a horrible, horrible thought but yes, in 2012 it may very well be a reality: Justin Bieber will be trying his little hand at movies.
Apparently Hollywood producers are lining up to cast the teenage annoyance alongside the biggest names in the business, obviously encouraged by the good business Never Say Never did. If Bieber does become a big screen regular, there may be no escaping the little critter.
The end of the world: There are few things worse than Justin Bieber and one of those has to be the Mayan prediction that the world will end at the end of 2012.
Look, as much as you may hate your job/wife/parents, the world ending makes everything seem slightly less terrible. The end of the world also looks very inconvenient. If the movie is anything to go by it’s going to be noisy, disorganised and very wet. And the traffic is also going to be quite annoying.
Whatever comes after Twilight: So there’s just one more Twilight movie to come so we can breathe a sigh of relief or cry your eyeballs out, whichever end of the Twilight divide you find yourself. But the real scary thing for those who hate Twilight and think Bella is an annoying bitch is the prospect of what crap writers are preparing to serve up to us next. You’re probably thinking, we’ve just had glittering vampires, how much worse can it get? A lot worse. Somewhere right now the next ridiculous saga is coming and it’s going to make a fortune. - Sunday Tribune