The transition to becoming a new mother can be one of the most stressful times in a woman’s life.
A loss of independence and control combined with the overwhelming, unrelenting realisation that you are now responsible for an unpredictable tiny human can leave feelings of being overwhelmed, anxious and can increase the risk of postnatal depression – particularly if a woman is used to a high powered career, financial security and freedom before they gave birth.
As part of this transition to motherhood, new mothers take part in a process called “maternal role attainment”, where they look to other mothers around them to see how they act and decide which behaviours they are going to adopt or not. Years ago women would look to their own mothers, extended family and all the other women in the street who had young babies. Today, families are more dispersed, women are having fewer babies and life is lived far more in private, meaning we often replace this casual information with that of self-styled “experts” and their “how to” guides.
There is a multi-million pound market just waiting for new mothers, to sell them a dream of how their life could really be. The baby care book market is vast. Numerous titles have been written to target that out-of-control feeling many modern mothers have with a new baby. They promise to be able to get babies into strict feeding and sleeping routines that will give mothers more predictability, control and ultimately free time. They offer a vision of a “supermum” complete with settled baby.
These promises are often too good to be true. Baby care books can have many unintended consequences, one being they may simply not work, as the babies themselves have not read them and so don’t follow the “rules”. At worst this can mean mothers are mis-sold the promise of a settled baby, which doesn’t happen and leaves parents feeling like they have failed.