Durban - Unsupervised internet usage is potentially very dangerous.
Children are curious young beings and it doesn’t take much to “accidentally” discover how to get up to some serious mischief.
You can’t prevent your child from being exposed to much of what is out there, in the real world and in cyberspace. I recommend you go down the road of discovery with your child rather than let him or her go down there with strangers.
It is always best to teach your child about it rather than close your eyes to the reality of the age we live in. At least you will know what they are doing and they will know that they can ask you for advice or guidance and not the stranger on the other end of the network. The truth is that the person on the other end will teach them what they want your child to know, which is not necessarily what you want your child to learn and be exposed to. There have been cases where adults have tried to chat to children via online kids’ forums.
Here are some tips for parents:
1) Social media
Children tend to put everything on social media. What they like, who their friends are, what they enjoy socially, how they are feeling etc. This creates an opportunity to talk to them and identify with them. It is a safe place to talk to each other. They may think they are talking to someone of the same age and gender with similar interests, which can quickly lead to an opportunity for online predators to take advantage of what seems like a trusting relationship.
Be aware that some kids even have two names on sites; one that the parents monitor and are aware of and another on which they can interact freely with others, without the knowledge and seemingly invasive oversight of their parents or guardians.
You can never know exactly what the children are doing all of the time, therefore you need to teach them about the internet, its dangers and why they need to be safe when using it.
Think about this: Do we check out their cyber friends just as we check out their real friends? Always explain why you decide on certain rules. Don’t just make them without an explanation, otherwise your child may merely perceive you as being unjust or unfair for no reason.
2) Sexting
Sexting is the act of sending sexually explicit messages or photographs, primarily between cellphones. Girls are often pressured by boys to get them to send explicit images of them.
This is achieved through emotional blackmail and is often the result of peer pressure initially. Unfortunately it can soon lead to others receiving the images as well, also paedophiles. Possessing such images is tantamount to possession of child pornography.
Sending such images is equivalent to distribution of child pornography, which can be applied to not only adults, but to minors as offenders.
Every picture that is sent can mean up to 10 years imprisonment. The offender’s name also goes on the sexual offenders list. This can mess up the life of the child in the picture and the child who sends it, often without the knowledge of the consequences of their actions.
Don’t simply say to your child: don’t do this. Rather tell them that they would be stupid to do this because anyone who would choose to do this is looking at being locked up for many years, often more than the amount of time served for murder.
3) Instant messaging
There are several instant messaging apps but you need to know who your child’s friends are.
A good rule is that they should only have friends on their contacts list who you have met, or who you are likely to meet, for example at their next birthday.
Solutions:
Know that it is not your job to be your child’s friend. Statistically children would rather turn to a teacher or a friend who they can talk to. Try to have such a person in your child’s life. You have a responsibility towards your children. Your child is going to replicate the behaviour you role model for them. So act in such a way that your child learns how to behave correctly. It is important how you parent your child, always have that in mind. The best you can be for your child is to be his parent.
Golden rules of the internet:
1) Don’t give out information about yourself.
2) Never agree to meet someone whom you met on the internet, especially unsupervised.
3) Never abuse anyone over the internet.
4) Let the children be part of your internet work and be part of theirs.
5) Make sure that your and their social media pages are set on private.
6) Put the computer in a common area, where usage can be easily supervised. If your children have smartphones or tablets, make sure they put them away in the evening and check the content regularly.
7) Increase your knowledge about the wording and short versions of sentences (MOS: Mom Over Shoulder etc).
8) Teach your child about the dangers that exist on the internet.
9) Increase your knowledge of the sites your child is using.
10) Make sure your child is old enough to search the sites he/she is using.
11) Teach your child about the pros and cons of the internet.
If you have the chance, watch the movie Trust. It centres around a family whose child has been victimised by an online predator. Be aware that it may not be suitable for the younger children as it carries an age restriction of 16. Best for parents to watch it before letting the kids see it.
Daily News
* Andrea Kellerman is an educational psychologist who specialises in assessments, counselling, neurofeedback, emotional intelligence training and guided relaxation. She can be reached at 031 266 8563 or www.eq-advantage.co.za