Ways to make gorgeous vegetables

Pork belly and greens " prepared splendidly, for the children. Picture: Tony Jackman

Pork belly and greens " prepared splendidly, for the children. Picture: Tony Jackman

Published Dec 24, 2015

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Cradock - Ever had to grit your teeth, bite your tongue and take several deep, slow breaths in the presence of parents who give in when their children refuse to eat their vegetables? Yep, me too.

Every one who reads this column knows that I am no more likely to stop eating meat and turn to vegetarianism than I am to leap out of a plane or join a temperance movement. But that does not mean I don’t love my vegetables and I can’t think of one I don’t like. Okay, maybe kale, but that’s not because it’s a vegetable, it’s because of the Kult of Kale that surrounds it among hipsters and organic fascists.

Guys, if you are a parent and your kid will not eat his veggies, put yourself back in charge and instil the discipline that a parent is meant to. We are there to love and to nurture, but also to rule the roost, lead the way and set the rules. And then enforce them. It’s either that, or ending up with some namby-pamby young adult who gets all snotty about any dish that doesn’t have kale or quinoa in it, regards craft beer as the holy grail, tends a half-arsed beard, cannot speak a sentence without like you know hey cool in it, and... oh wait... ag look, just teasing hey. But you get the point.

I loved episode five of American Horror Story Hotel, which parodies pretty much the person described above. A guy and his girlfriend check in, asking for a discount because they are “influencers”, then demand fresh towels (because the others feel “like sandpaper”), grilled romaine lettuce (to a biting riposte from Kathy Bates’s character) and pate (they’re served pet food but don’t notice). They meet a bloody end.

One doesn’t wish any such end on a peacenik hipster, even if they do wear a uniform, which a true individual is supposed to eschew. But the commentary on the kind of blogger that has invaded the turf of the lifestyle journalist, demanding freebies as if their right and not remotely understanding the rules, brings a smile to those of us who have had to endure the behaviour of some of these ungrammarly feeders who come across as spoilt rich kids allowed at the main table.

They would get short shrift at Downton Abbey. While that age of courtesy and dignity had its downside of snobbery and disdain for the less-than-well-heeled, there are aspects of it that we could use in some measure today.

A mere raised eyebrow would still a childish curl of the lip when little Johnny is presented with a bowl of soup he doesn’t like the look of or anything that looks suspiciously like the colour of leaves.

It’s not something there needs to be a choice about. Vegetables aren’t like chocolate or cupcakes, little luxuries we can choose to pamper ourselves with or to eschew lest they make us slightly less than svelte. Vegetables are vital. Vegetables are the stuff that makes us live and makes us healthy. Choice has nothing to do with it.

But I do have some sympathy for the poor kids whose parents’ idea of cooking a vegetable is dumping them in water (the vegetables, not the kids), boiling until they are deceased, then sloshing them on the plate next to the steak and chips.

Vegetables deserve as much attention as the meaty hero of the dish. I have some ways to make them taste splendid, whether carrots, spinach, peas or, yes, brussels sprouts.

 

Spinach:

Trim green parts of leaves from the white stems, discarding the stems. (Ignore anyone who advises using the stems, they change the flavour of spinach.) Wash greens under cold running water, shake off excess, and cook in a deep pot until wilted. No need for any fat or oil. When water has cooked away, add fresh cream, grated nutmeg, salt, pepper, a squeeze of lemon juice and finely chopped garlic. In a separate pot, cook peas in simmering water until tender. Strain and add peas to the spinach with crumbled feta. Stir to combine and serve.

Carrots:

Peel carrots and slice on the diagonal. Place in a pot with orange juice with equal part cold water to cover. Add one beef or oxtail stock cube. Do not salt. Bring to a boil, stirring for the stock cube to dissolve, and cook vigorously until carrots are just tender, but not soggy. Remove carrots with a slotted spoon and reduce the liquid until it becomes a sticky sauce. Return carrots to the pot, add chopped parsley, salt and pepper, coat the carrots, and serve with a roast red meat or a rare or medium rare steak.

Courgettes:

Simmer chopped garlic in olive oil, add courgettes (sliced thinly on the diagonal) and stir-fry until cooked but still crisp. Add lemon juice, salt and black pepper. Stir in some crumbled feta for a Greek twist.

Brussels sprouts:

Steam them until just tender, but do not under any circumstances cook until they are soggy and nasty. Drain under cold water to refresh, slice each sprout in half, and set aside. Heat 3 Tbs olive oil in a frying pan and add finely chopped shallots. Simmer to soften. Add cubed bacon and cook until lightly crisp. Add the sprouts and stir to coat. Grate Parmesan cheese over, stir again, and serve. There’s one for the Christmas dinner table. Traditional and fabulous with turkey, gammon and potatoes roasted in duck fat.

Weekend Argus

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