Proverb on his failed suicide attempt and depression
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After his divorce from ex-wife Onalerona Moreo, former rapper and “Idols SA” host ProVerb revealed that he had fallen into a deep depression.
In his tell-all memoir, “The Book of ProVerb”, he reveals how, on his way to an event in 2015, he stopped at a pharmacy and, feigning a severe toothache, asked for the strongest painkillers.
The star says he stopped at another pharmacy where he did the same thing, and at a third.
He drove home, hugged his estranged wife Onalerona and went to the patio. With him, he had a bottle of wine and boxes of painkillers. He locked the door and all access points.
“I was emotional, but in my mind I felt quite sane about the plan I was about to execute. I was motivated by my failure to provide my children with a stable home life … The decision to divorce left me with a severe sense of failure and I didn’t want to continue witnessing the disintegration of my family. If I were dead I wouldn’t have to see my wife and kids leave to start their new life without me,” he writes in the book.
After swallowing the pills he passed out, but was later found by his brother and rushed to hospital.
“I cried hysterically, trying to tell everyone that I was sorry. I told the doctor: ‘Man, this isn’t me. I am not this person.’ I was trying to appear sane because everyone was giving me this ‘you’ve lost your mind’ look.”
He said he woke up the next morning with clarity on the way forward.
“I was keen to leave the hospital (the following day), but they wouldn’t allow it … So I didn’t make it to Idols rehearsals that day, and I still don’t know who in the production team knows about my suicide attempt. When I was discharged the following day and made it to rehearsals, no mention was made of it. I asked for my script, we ran the rehearsal and did the show to perfection. There were no mistakes, it was business as usual.”
ProVerb says that was a challenging time in his life. “I smiled, I was charming. I presented Idols every Sunday without skipping a beat and said good night enthusiastically as if my life was amazing. Then I went home to cry,” ProVerb writes in the book.
Speaking to All4Women, he said he is in a much better place right now as he makes an effort to focus on the positives.
"This for me is the biggest take-away I hope those who read the book receive. I address how depression is a daily struggle and how I service my peace and well-being daily by focusing on all the positives, being eternally optimistic and by celebrating the milestones, big or small.”