7 ways to put yourself first during sex

Everyone deserves a full and fulfilling sex life. Picture: PxHere

Everyone deserves a full and fulfilling sex life. Picture: PxHere

Published Jan 30, 2020


While conversations surrounding sex and consent seem to have been opened up much more over the past few years, female pleasure is still a somewhat taboo subject. 

When it comes to action between the sheets, everyone deserves to have a fun and pleasurable experience, but sometimes it can feel a lot easier to fake an orgasm and go to sleep. It can be difficult to tell a partner you’re not really enjoying yourself in bed but there are ways to prioritise your pleasure and get to know your body a little better.

Everyone deserves a full and fulfilling sex life. And if you want to prioritise your pleasure there are things you can do to get into the habit of doing to look after yourself.

Get to know your body

If you find it difficult to explain what you’d like with a partner then educating yourself may help. It also empowers you to be a bit more explorative on your own. Don't be afraid to learn as much as possible about your body and your pleasure.

Setting a bit of time aside to woo yourself may sound cheesy but it could also show you exactly what you like when it comes to your pleasure. While I can remember male masturbation being talked and joked about all the way through school, female masturbation was always portrayed as more shameful. 

Think about what you want

Sex and pleasure can and should be fun. There’s so much that you can do in the bedroom, both with a partner and alone. If you find yourself with a fantasy that you’d like to fulfill describe what you’d like to explore in detail, as everyone’s kinks can have their own parameters, specific to that person. 

Address expectations too, and what you’d like to get out of it. For example if hair pulling is your kink, describe - or even demonstrate on him - how hard you want him to pull. The more direction you give, the better they can give you what you want. And it’ll be safest.

Give yourself time

When you’re in bed with someone and they keep letting you know they’re going to climax or ask you if you’ve finished yet, there's a lot of temptation to fake an orgasm or give up altogether. 

But if you know what turns you on and your partner isn’t doing it, try and guide them so you’re getting more out of the sexual experience. Of course, the end goal of sex doesn't always have to be an orgasm, but you deserve to enjoy the encounter as much as your partner.

Look after yourself outside of the bedroom

There’s so much that contributes to the quality of your sex life, including diet and exercise. Not only does exercise improve your physique and mental health but it could also be the answer to a dwindling sex life. 

The Flo website says “A 20-minute run or cycle can help increase your blood flow and lubrication, making it easier for you to become aroused and ultimately, climax. Fitness can be a good option for those who have a low libido and want to increase their physiological arousal without medication.”

Address any anxieties

Sometimes your partner can be doing all the right things in the bedroom but, if you’re stuck in your own head, there’s no way you’ll reach climax. 

Anxiety and overthinking in the bedroom is incredibly common and Professor Lori Brotto from the Department of Obstetrics & Gynaecology at the University of British Columbia told meditation organisation Headspace that “the most common predictors and causes of sexual dysfunction in women are: stress, multi-tasking, poor body image, depression, anxiety, relationship concerns, and fatigue.” 

If you are experiencing any of these, addressing them may be the first step to improving your time in the bedroom.

Understand you deserve it

One of the most important things when it comes to understanding your own pleasure and getting a partner to appreciate it too is understanding that you deserve a full sex life and your pleasure is as important as any any one else's.

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